Playing with Fire
by Princ3ss0fQu33nS
Summary: What if Katniss and Gale did more than just kissing? How will they face the consequences? How will this affect Peeta? Eventually, Katniss/Peeta.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own The Hunger Games. Suzanne Collins does.

**Author's Note: **This will kind of be like Catching Fire. I'm pretty sure it will all be in Katniss' POV. I just want to do something different than Katniss being pregnant with Peeta's baby. I'm re-reading Catching Fire anyway for the movie. Enjoy and please review! :)

* * *

My conversation with President Snow is one of the most frightening ones. He knows everything I did. Knows I go out in the woods and drag Gale along. He even knows about the kiss and we had sex. As a victor, I should've been smart about privacy. Even if I feel like I'm alone in the woods, I'm probably not. We've been watched.

He wanted to kill Gale. The only way I can stop him is to convince him. His only two words that can make Gale live: "_Convince me_." Convince him that I am truly and deeply in love with Peeta. Something I wasn't doing a good job acting at. If I do it convincingly enough, he won't kill Gale.

I am so stupid! Thought about my own feelings for once and getting what I want without thinking of what it'll mean for Gale. I've put his life on the line as if it's not already. Before the Hunger Games, people thought we're more than friends. Since I'm supposed to be madly in love with Peeta, I can't have that. Gale had become my cousin.

I don't know how else I'm supposed to convince Snow about my love for Peeta Mellark. Hopefully Haymitch can give me some ideas. I have to talk to him soon. I can't talk to anyone else about it yet. Not even Peeta even though it involves him. That would be ridiculous.

My mother enters the living room looking worried. "Is everything alright?" I waved it off and assure in a lie. She's relieved. "Oh, good. I thought you were in trouble."

I am. But I won't ever let her know that. I brush of the cookie crumbs in my hand, the one I've squeezed when Snow revealed he knew Gale and I had sex. I take the tray to follow my mother in the kitchen. Immediately, I feel nauseous and I know I won't have any time to make it to the bathroom. I halted ignoring my mother's concerned expression, drop the tray, and ran to the sink to puke my guts out.

"Not again," I hear my Mom mutter, rushing toward me. Her hands brush my braid from my shoulders and soothingly rubs my back.

"I'm fine..." I manage to insist after I'm done. I start to heave then some more came out. There goes my breakfast.

"Katniss?" I hear my little sister's voice, Prim. After knowing for sure I'm done, I look at her sharing Mom's same worried and concerned look. She cleaned up the shattered cups.

"Prim and I have been talking about you," Mom began and motioned for us to sit at the table and discuss. "We talked about how you've been acting lately and what you've been eating."

I haven't noticed any of things except the way I've been eating. Whenever we would get those cookies from the bakery, I will drown it with honey and eat it. Something I don't usually do. I wish she can spit it out already. I know I'm just feeling sick. That's all.

"And we came to the conclusion that you're..." She stopped speaking as if she's unable to say the word.

But I know what she means. I can't believe what she's implying either. I can't even say it. I just stare at her disbelief. Wanting this to be a dream.

"Pregnant." Prim filled in.

My jaw slowly opens in shock. Good thing sitting down or else I'm pretty sure I would have faint.

"No..." Was all I can say. I know Gale and I were careless and I wasn't even thinking about using protection. I should have. But I didn't. I'm stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

"Yes, Katniss," Mom nodded her head. "Prim and I are pretty good at these things, but if you want, I can get a pregnancy test for you."

Hope and relief goes through me when she said that. But it wouldn't be right if neither of us would get one. It will raise suspicions that I could be pregnant. Everyone will wonder if Peeta is the father. Hope and relief died down quickly when I realized that.  
However, I could ask Hazelle to get me one when Gale is off at work.

"I'll ask Hazelle for one."

They look confused. "Why?" Prim asked and I explained about the possible rumors. They understood.

"Is it Peeta's?" Mom asked curiously.

I got annoyed, but of course she wouldn't know. But she does knows how I feel about Peeta. She let me have my personal space from him when we first came home to District 12. I can barely kiss him and look at him. I can't be truthful to the public, but I can to my own family.

"No."

Realization dawned on their faces when they figured out who the other male culprit could be.

"Gale?" Prim wondered.

I nodded feeling ashamed.

Mom stared sympathetically at me and comes over to hug me. "Oh, Katniss. I'm so sorry."

"Why? It's my fault." I say bitterly hating myself more and more.

"Does President Snow knows?" She let go of me still wearing that expression.

"Of course. He knows everything."

"What will happen to Gale?" Prim fretted.

"Nothing," I vowed. "As long I won't do any more stupid things, nothing," I really don't want to talk about this any more. I've put another life in danger because of my own doing. Not only Gale, Peeta, and their families, but my own child. I stand. "I'm going to Hazelle's."

I get out of there as soon as possible. I'm glad it wasn't a Sunday because there is no way in hell I will tell Gale about this now. I will rather die than tell him and anyone else. I knock on the door and I see his twelve year old brother, Rory, answering it. He looks kind of like a miniature version of Gale.

"Hey, Katniss," He greeted me casually. "Gale isn't home right now."

"Hi, Rory. I know. Is your mother home?" I desperately hope she is. She's my last chance to find out if I really am...pregnant.

I can't even say the word. I never wanted children.

"Yes, I'm here, Katniss," I look at her with relief. "Let her in, Rory."

I walk pass him and he closes the door and left to I don't know where. She let's me come to the kitchen with her and she made herb tea, my favorite kind. Maybe that will help my stomach. It does warm me up, but I had to take short sips because it was too hot.

"Is there anything wrong, Katniss?" Hazelle observed. She knows me too well.

"I'm pregnant," Her eyes widened in shock. I shock myself again at saying that word. Saying it makes it real and I do not want it to be. "I think I am."

"Is it Peeta's?" She repeated the question my mother asked not long ago.

I can't let her know that it isn't. She shouldn't know her son's life is in danger because of me.

"Yes."

She grabbed my hand on the table, frowning. "Oh, Katniss. Did they make you do it?"

That does sound like a Capitol-ish thing to do. But would it be good for me to say that? What if she would tell this to Gale? He would know better than to believe I slept with Peeta. Maybe this can be a way to convince Snow how much I am madly in love with Peeta. The baby can be his.

"No. It was our decision," I blurt out not entirely thinking it through. "I know we are stupid-"

"Both of you have a lot of things on your mind. Everyone makes mistakes," She squeezes my gently one last time before letting it go and rest her own hand on her lap. "Does Peeta know?"

I shook my head. "No. I don't know how to tell him."

"You'll have time," She assured, but I wish it's easier said than done. "Now, what is it you want from me?"

"If it's not too much of a trouble, may you please get a pregnancy test for me? I don't want the rumors to start when people see me buying a pregnancy test and wonder if it's Peeta's."

Hazelle smiled warmly. "I will," She gets up starting to leave. "I promise I won't be long. Can you watch the children?"

"Yeah." I say and I eagerly wait for her return while impatient at the same time. I just want to get this over with.

I drink the rest of my tea in the mean time and plenty of water. Minutes later, she arrived and gave the pregnancy test to me.

I thanked her and went to the bathroom. Praying my family is wrong about their little conclusion. I wait for the result to show up and when I glanced at it, my jaw opened and I dropped it. I hang on the edge of the sink counter to balance myself so I wouldn't keel over.

It's true. They're true. I'm actually pregnant.

And I'm probably going to die for this.


	2. Chapter 2

Somehow, I managed to walk all the way home. I did it at a slow pace, but only to let the fact about me being pregnant can sink in. Teardrops rolled down my cheeks when I think of Gale and the baby.

My baby...

_Our_ baby...

Before I got reaped for the Games (this was a long time ago), I remember we were talking about our futures. Gale told me he wanted to have children someday. I told him I don't want to get married and play house and be a typical wife here in District 12. I like being alone and I always thought raising kids was a handful and hazardous when there's the Hunger Games for them to look forward to. I look at Hazelle often wondering how can she do it alone. Sure she has Gale to help her with them, but it would be easier with a father around. Wouldn't it?

I guess Gale is getting what he wants. I will never exterminate m-the baby because of my own doing. It's not the kid's fault. And I know Gale will never approve of that even if I do want to exterminate it.

Approaching my house, I notice my prep team was there. Great. I forgot. They're getting me ready because it's tour day. That is the last thing I've been thinking. I wiped my tears away so no one can tell I cried. Clearing my throat, I open the door seeing my prep team rise from their seats instantly, looking at me and I'm not exaggerating when I say they rush me upstairs to my bedroom. I barely saw my family, can't even let them know they're right.

Flavius, Octavia, and Venia were all too absorb at how "atrocious" I look. My hair is a mess, I've bitten my nails, and Venia complained about I didn't take care of my eyebrows. Neither of them didn't notice how my eyes look all red. I noticed that when I caught my reflection in the mirror before Octavia worked on my make up.

My mother came in to show them how to properly make my famous braid. All of them studied with careful and eager eyes. Our eyes made contact and I wish I can tell her she's right. All along she's been right. She looks at me carefully and goes to work with my hair to show off what's the magic behind it.

When my hair is done, excitement runs through me when I can get to see Cinna downstairs. He looks the same as always. He opened his mouth to say something, but I just threw my arms around. Unable to keep control, I hear myself crying. He rubs my back saying "Shhh..." and pulls me closer while my tears stains his shirt.

After I've calmed down, he released me to ask with concern. "Is there anything wrong, Katniss?"

Haymitch is the first person I want to tell. But Cinna and I have been so close and he's easy to talk to. I can't look at him when I answer so I stare down at his shoes. I want to be honest with him. "I'm pregnant." The sound of my voice is hoarse.

There's silence. Hesitantly, I raise my head to find his expression is shocked. "Is it Peeta's?"

I shook my head. Can't find my own voice.

His eyes suddenly darken and he wondered angrily. "Please, tell me no guy raped you, did he?"

I shook my head again knowing I should tell him already. "It's a friend of mine. Gale Hawthorne," He knows Gale and I aren't cousins. "I know I need to tell Haymitch, but I don't know what else to do."

"Just let Haymitch figure it out, he'll know," He assured. "I'm just glad you're okay," I won't be for long. "I'll keep this secret between us," I knew he would. He's the only person in the Capitol I can trust. I see his expression changed to being serious. "Do you love him? Gale?"

Did I love Gale when we had sex? Shouldn't you feel that for someone when you want to do that? I just know I wanted to feel something and I know Gale and he knows me. I thought it was the right time and I never wanted him badly before like I did. That's all it was. Wanting. Wanting the sex like friends with benefits. I never want to be like that with Gale. I just wanted and needed him at that moment.

It was all about me.

I let my guard down for one second and it got me into a whirlwind of a mess. Gale is in danger...Snow is down at my throat...

How many more people will I recklessly allow their lives to be in danger because of me?

"I don't know," I swallowed down a hard lump then I plead. "You really won't tell anyone, right?" I had to ask just in case. I know I trust him, but it's better to hear him say it again.

"Of course not," He promised. "Let's go work on your talent."

"Okay." Something else to keep my mind off from m-the baby.

I don't want to say it's mine. It is, but I know I'll grow an attachment to it. What if something happens to me and will cause the both of us or the baby to die? What if Gale dies too? I can't let that happen. I have many close loved ones I lost and if I don't feel the same way for the baby, then my pain won't be unbearable and give me too much grief if I somehow do lose the baby.

Cinna thought of my talent should be designing clothes. I literally have no talent other than hunting illegally, but of course, I can't show off that. Also, I can sing, but I will never sing to the Capitol. He shows me some of his sketches and clothing and gave me cards about what I will read off of. I know I can pull this off. I just wish I had some talent. Even Peeta has one which is painting. He can actually afford real paint and paint on canvases. I'm glad Cinna had offered to help me because I have no chance. He arranged the living room with fabrics, clothes, and sketches with his designs.

He throws a bundle of clothes to me to get dressed. Effie Trinket arrived in a pumpkin orange wig to remind everyone, "We're on a schedule!" She's always on top of everything. I noticed the camera crew is in too and I show off the clothing and designs I supposedly created and say meaningless things like, "Don't you love it?" The sound team records me reading my cards so they can insert it later, so then I'm tossed out of the room so they can my/Cinna's design in peace.

Prim and my mother is getting interviewed by the crew. Mom sees me and smiles, but her eyes tell a different story; she's worried about me. I will have to see leave soon, but I want to let her somehow know. She glances at me often and I thought of to put a hand on my stomach and nodded. She seems to know and understand, but I don't know for sure because of the way she acts for the interview.

I realize Cinna is trying to put a fur coat on me so I raise my arms. Cinna tells me it's ermine. Leather gloves. A bright red scarf. Something furry covers my ears. "You're bringing earmuffs back in style." He tells me.

_I hate earmuff_s, I think. Hate the way those things feel.

My mother hurries up with a fist in one hand and throws her other arm around me. "I know what you mean." She whispered.

She gave me the mockingjay pin Madge (Mayor Undersee's daughter) had given me before I left for the Games. Cinna fixes it on the know of the scarf.

Effie's nearby, clapping her hands. "Alright, everyone! We're about to do the first outdoor shot, where the victors greet each other at the beginning of their marvelous trip. All right, Katniss, big smile, you're very excited right?" She shoves me out the door. Literally.

The snow messes up my vision, but I can see Peeta coming out of his house. I remember Snow's two words: "_convince me._" I know I have to. I don't want Gale to die because of me. Especially now because I need him the most. Just the thought of my situation makes me tear up. I shouldn't have told Cinna. I should have kept it to myself until I see Haymitch and tell him in private. Great. I'm crying! Must be the hormones.

I think of what Snow would want. I run toward him with tears rolling down my cheeks. Peeta is smiling and hugs me tightly so much I can't breathe.

"What's wrong?" He whispered. Maybe he thought the crying was too much or he just knew something is wrong with me.

"Nothing," I replied louder than him so they can hear. "I just missed you, that's all."

He twirls me around and we fell onto the snow, laughing. I'm on top of him and he kisses me carefully, his lips taste like snow. He's always like that with me, so gentle and careful not doing it to impress anyone. He's still looking out for me. Just like he did at the arena. Good thing tears are already coming out of my eyes or else I know I'll cry. I pull him to his feet, tuck my glove through the crook of his arm, and merrily pull him on our way.

The rest of the day is getting on the station, bidding everyone goodbye, the train pulling out, the old team - Peeta and me, Effie and Haymitch, Cinna and Portia, Peeta's stylist - dining on an indescribably delicious meal. And then I'm in pajamas and a voluminous robe, sitting in my plush compartment, waiting for the others to go to sleep. I know Haymitch is awake because he doesn't like to sleep when it's dark out.

I think it's safe to go out when everyone is asleep. I put on my slippers and pad down to his door. Having to knock several times, scowling, as if he knows I have bad news.

"What do you want?" He growled, the drenching breath of alcohol hitting me in the face.

"I need to talk to you." I tell him desperately letting him know it's urgent.

He groans then said. "This better be good," Suddenly, I feel like the Capitol is hearing us, our own words are being recorded. "Well?" He barked.

The train stops and a jolt of fear goes through me and I thought of Snow listening to us not approving of me confiding to Haymitch. But we're only stopping for fuel.

"The train's so stuffy." I said casually which he understood the deeper meaning of my words.

"Let's go out." I follow him to a door and he opened it. A blast of snow hits us and he stumbled a bit, but regained his balance.

I hop down, soaking my slippers with snow, as he leads me beyond the end of the train where we'll not be overheard. Then he turns on me.

I tell him about the meeting with Snow. Everything.

He rubbed the back of his neck. "You could have done worse..."

"I'm pregnant with Gale's child."

His face looks grave. "Seriously?"

I felt hurt that he would wonder if I'm lying. "I never would lie about something like this!" I snapped.

He dragged out a long sigh as if thinking very hard. "Well, with everything going on, this will be the perfect opportunity."

"An opportunity for what?"

"A distraction."

My eyes widen. "I can never say I'm pregnant with Gale's-"

"Not his. Peeta's. The Capitol and everyone else in Panem will be all over you two."

I try to wrap this concept in my head. "So...I should just tell everyone I'm pregnant with Peeta's kid?"

He nodded. "You got it," I remember what I told Hazelle. I said the baby is Peeta's and not Gale's. With that lie, I can fool everyone else in Panem. "Your life will always have to be centered around that boy."

It does. It'll be me and Peeta. Peeta and me. Always and forever. He'll be my life. My love. Gale will never get to have his family with me. A child he always wanted. Will never get to spend time with his son or daughter because it'll be Peeta replacing him. Replacing a life which should have been Gale's.

I hate him for it.


	3. Chapter 3

The beginning of the Victory Tour didn't turn out so great. Our first stop was District 11: Rue's home. We were given a speech to say then Peeta said some things for the people without using his cards. In respect for Rue, Thresh, and other tributes who have died. He even gave them money which everyone in awe at. I didn't even know he can do that.

Then, of course, I have to make everything worse. Seeing one of Rue's little sisters made me want to say something for them. For Rue. I blame my hormones when I cried in front of all of them when I mentioned Rue. Instantly, the commotion started when an old man whistled Rue's four note mockingjay time. Then everyone presses their three fingers to their lips and extends their arm out to me.

Everything happened too fast - the whistle man got shot. I didn't want that too happen. I don't want to see another person die. But it did happen. This was the type of things Snow had talked to me about.

The upsrisings. But Peeta and I will be the perfect distraction.

I feel sick when I look at the windows. Seeing the scenery pass by so fast. I excuse myself when everyone else was having tea because I felt nauseous. Haymitch didn't seem to be bothered about me unlike Cinna was.

The tour went on. Haymitch and Cinna were still the only who knows about my pregnancy. No one. Not even Peeta. We're on our way to go to District 1 where Glimmer (the girl I killed) and Marvel lived. It was dark and me and everyone else was asleep. Except for Haymitch because he doesn't like to sleep at night. He'll get drunk.

Nightmares have been an occurring thing for me. Happens every time when I sleep. It's not just about my father getting blown up into pieces in the mines, but about the Games, my family, and Peeta. Most of all, my nightmares are about Gale and the baby.

In my dream, I was holding the baby in my arms and running in the woods. I think I was in the arena. I couldn't tell if the baby is a boy or a girl at the time; I tried to keep it safe. I run away from the other tributes who were going to kill us.

Then Gale would come in to take the baby from me so he can protect it. I let him, but then I knew the tributes weren't after me. They were after the baby instead. The guys grabbed Gale to hold him down and Cato struck an arrow at his chest.

I begged at Clove not to kill my baby. She set him or her down holding a dagger in hand and stabbed it multiple times while the others laughed. I screamed, yelling for her to stop.

Peeta was there with me. Talking to me, but I couldn't even hear him...

"Katniss!"

I gasp, my eyes widening at Peeta's voice. I crumbled into his arms, sobbing uncontrollably. I let him sleep in the bed with me. It wasn't the first time. He roams the train in the night and would hear my screams. There were pills to cure my nightmares, but I refuse because I don't know how it will affect my pregnancy.

We are just in bed, lying together. He calmed down and before I was about to go to sleep, he asked me a question.

"What did you mean you said, 'Not my baby'?" He looks confused with furrowed eyebrows.

I never knew I talked aloud in my sleep. Even though Prim has her own bedroom now, we slept together on the same bed at our old home and she never said I talked in my sleep. Maybe I have, but she never told me.

I know what he means, but I still can't believe it. "I said that?"

There was a very small curve of a smile at the corner of his mouth. "Most likely screamed it."

His curiosity was innocent and was purely out of confusion, but I can't tell him. Would it be wrong to tell him first I'm pregnant instead of Gale? The true father? What will Gale think of that if I told him...?

I struggled to think of a lie. "I meant Buttercup as my baby. Buttercup is my cat and Prim and I treat him as if he were a baby. I just saw him getting killed." He doesn't really know me that much to know I loathe that stupid cat, but he seemed to have bought it. I ignore that look of doubt in his eyes or it's probably just me imagining it.

It's hard to tell without any light if he is convinced. "All right..."

There's a pause between us and his blue eyes are looking into mine. I start to talk again to break off the contact. "Is there anything else I've screamed?"

He listed. "You said: 'Not my baby', 'not Gale', 'leave him alone', and I don't know what else."

It must have been a terrible nightmare. The only thing good about them is I won't remember it in the morning.

Snuggling closer to Peeta, I say. "Thanks. For coming to me."

His hand caresses my face. I can see his smile. "Any time."

Peeta sleeping with me is a normal thing now. I'm used to it. I've always been used to it when he touches me, but this time, when he touches my face, I can't do it. I can't let him do that anymore. It feels wrong.

Especially when I'm carrying Gale's child. Peeta, not the father, is in the same bed with me and Gale's child. Everything about this picture is so wrong.

"Get out." I demand him.

The request caught him off guard. "What?"

"_Get out_." I repeated firmly.

His hand was at his side and got confused again. "Why?"

I'm still not telling him the truth. "I just want you to." I replied, almost losing my patience.

Sighing, Peeta got up muttering a "Fine" but all of his movements looked unwillingly. It is then I feel horrible and regret what I said. But the baby is a reminder that I did do the right thing. For once.

We reach the Capitol which is very different than the Districts we visited. Supposedly, it does seem everything is peaceful. Peeta and I still profess our love to each other for the public, but after last night, I think he's mad at me. Doesn't look at me that often and we only hold hands. It's like he doesn't make an effort anymore so I try to do my best. To be the one who kisses him and does the flirting.

We're in our old quarters in the Training Center. It's just me and Haymitch when Peeta left. I have no idea how badly I hurt him. Maybe I was rude, but I wish he can see right through me. Can quickly know I'm pregnant so I won't be in this pain debating if I should let him know.

"Did you tell him?" Haymitch asked when Peeta is out of earshot.

"No. I can't. I can't tell him first before Gale..." I trailed off imagining their reactions.

"You have to, Katniss-" He insisted.

"No. I won't do that to Gale. It's not fair-"

This time, he cuts me off. "Life is never fair, princess. I thought you know that by now. Gale will know eventually, and right now, it's Peeta who should be the first to know."**  
**

I wish when I first found out I'm really pregnant, I told Gale. So this conversation would never exist. "Why don't you tell him then?" I remarked, and with that, I stormed off into my room.

Trying not to think of Gale and the baby wasn't easy when they're the only thing on my mind. I also think of Peeta, but he was only forcing its way into my mind thanks to Haymitch. Gale will eventually know I'm pregnant, but I don't want him to get hurt. Either way, Peeta will have to know because we're together right now and he's my supposed love interest. He should be in on everything. If I really want him to be like that, then I guess I should tell him everything what I told Haymitch. **  
**

I don't think I'm ready for that yet.

With Caesar Flickerman in his twinkling midnight blue suit, his hair, eyes, and lips still dyed powder blue, he ran through the questions for the interview that night, on the stage before the Training Center.

When he asks us about the future, Peeta was the one who answered. "Well, we're trying to adjust with our baby coming on the way."

The Capitol audience is hysterical and there were a lot of gasps and "awww" going around. Many of them were excited and thrilled. I guess Haymitch really have told Peeta himself. I try to smile and play along, hoping I don't look in shock that he actually knows.

Playfully, I swatted his arm, blushing. "Oh, Peeta, you have to tell them _now_? What will my mother think?"

The audience and Caesar laughed.

"You really are pregnant, Katniss?" Caesar asked with interest and he was just as stunned with the news like everyone else in the audience is.

"I am." I nodded.

"How far along are you?"

I try to think about that. I haven't been counting. "Four weeks." I hope I seem like a proud mother-to-be to them.

"Do you feel any changes?" I realize this topic is suddenly being about me.

I nodded. "Absolutely. I crave weird foods, exhausted, irritable-"

"_Very_ irritable." Peeta added with a smirk for the humor which of course, everyone laughed.

"You always have to be on her good side, huh?" Caesar chuckled.

Peeta nodded. "Yeah." He looks at me and I wonder if his eyes hold a deeper meaning to his words. That he actually does try to be on my good side, but I feel like I always lash out on him.

"Are you two thinking of getting married because of the baby?"

"Yes," Peeta stood up. "But not because of the baby,"

Then as he got down on one knee, the audience gasped and went crazy with emotions. Peeta's going to do it again. Leave everyone breathless and loving him. Loving us. I should have expected this, but I can't help being shocked. I gaped at Peeta as he grabs my hand and pours out his heart.

"Will you marry me?"

Of course, I said yes. The audience cheered for us and Caesar gave us congratulations. This is what Haymitch had planned out. But why couldn't have told me so I can be more prepared? Hopefully, Gale is watching this so he can know I'm pregnant. I hate that he had to find out this way, but there was no other way.

After that particular Sunday when we had sex, the rest of the other Sundays Gale and I saw each other, but I couldn't look at him the same way again. Gale had acted like what we did never happened in front of his family, mine, and everyone else. But when we're alone, we still talk, but not about the sex, but about other things. I still remember everything he did to me. I enjoyed it very much and I'm glad that my first time was with him. Someone I can trust.

I was lost in my own thoughts, barely paying attention to my surroundings until I felt a hand on my shoulder seeing it was President Snow giving me congratulations. He hugged me and I tried not to be repulsive by touching this monster. I wonder if I actually did it. If I saved everyone. Mostly, Gale. I look at him silently wondering just that hoping he can read it in my eyes.

"Don't think I'm stupid, Katniss." He whispered in my ear then smiled. Probably for the audience's sake that he wished me good luck or something.

I want to ask him what did he mean by that. Why would I think of him as stupid? But...

But he probably knows!

_Probably_? Of course he knows! He knows who the father is. Since he does know about what Gale and I did then he's not stupid to put two and two together. It's very clear to him that Gale Hawthorne is the father.

I forced a smile on my face trying not to look horrified. Trying not to look like I want to beg in front of him and everyone not to kill Gale. I would rather have him kill me instead. I don't want to believe him, but I understand what he means.

He's going to kill Gale.


	4. Author's Note

I forgot to mention this as an author's note in the previous chapter.

I was going to ask if any of you really want Gale to die and should I include the whipping scene? I can go either way. But I wasn't sure if I should do the whipping scene because Katniss is pregnant so that changes things. I also don't know how I can kill him if you want me to.

What do you think?


	5. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: **Thanks for answering the question. I know what to do with Gale. Enjoy reading and please review! :)

* * *

There was a party held in Snow's banquet room in his mansion. Everything looks so beautiful and there were loads of food. Food that can save hundreds in District 12 and the other poorer Districts. I feel guilty for eating this food when I think of home, but I'm immediately hungry so I eat what my hands can get on.

I think about what Snow said to me. That I've failed. I've failed to protect Gale. I might as well just die right now since I won't ever have his support with the baby. Snow will just kill him off because it's not what we portray it to be. I should have never underestimated him. I'll lose Gale forever and it will be my fault. This child willl have no father because of me. Like I have no father.

I will not let him or her become like me. That's the last thing I need. To let this child endure the kind of pain I have. No.

Maybe I can end this before it goes too far.

Finishing my food, I set it down on some table looking around for Snow. But it was a crowded room and I can't find him. I bump into some other Capitol people and annoyance ran through me when they talk to me. I sometimes can't stand their accent. As I look for Snow, I also bumped into Peeta. I haven't spoken to him since we slept together. I don't count the interview as talking since we were mostly talking to Caesar than to each other.

"Hey," I greeted him. I want to make it up to him for what I said.

"Hey," I notice behind him the camera crew was viewing the people and he looked back what I am watching. He held out his hand. "Do you want to dance with me?"

I know he's doing this for show, but I'm happy that he actually wants to dance with me. I take his hand, accepting his offer. We went to where the other people were dancing to a slow song. I wrapped his arms around his neck and his hands were placed on my waist. The camera crew were filming us as Peeta was saying sweet things to me, making me smile. He kisses me and I kiss him back as we are swaying to the music; neither of us are good dancers.

We keep this up until they left to look at the food. That's when I apologize.

"Peeta, about last night-" I began but he interrupted me.

"It's okay. I know. It's making sense now." He assured me.

"Have Haymitch told you?" I figured.

He nodded. "Yeah. Came into my room to tell me," He lowered his voice to ask. "Are you really...?" He drift off because everyone in here believes our lie. It wouldn't look good for Peeta to ask if I'm pregnant when he acted like he already knows.

"Yes. I'll tell you more later." I promised. Maybe everything else too that has happened to me while we're at it.

We remained silent just swaying along to the music. Completely not caring the music has changed into a more upbeat song. I just enjoy the feeling of Peeta's arms around me and being in his presence in general. He has this way to make me melt in his hands. He makes me feel safe; like he did in the arena. We were trying to protect each other.

Out of love? Like the Capitol portrays it to be? I don't know if I love Peeta. Or even Gale.

I rest my head on his right shoulder and he pulls me closer. His mouth is to my ear and kept saying things like "Everything is going to be okay," and "Your baby will be beautiful like you". His sweet words almost made me burst into tears, but it didn't come out when I finally spot Snow.

All I said was "Excuse me" and give him a peck on the cheek. I went right to Snow and politely interrupt his conversation with the Capitol people. However, I wished I can just yell at him for ever wanting to kill Gale. His group dispersed leaving me with him.

"You know." Was all I can say. It's not how I wanted to start out this conversation, but that's what is on my mind.

"I do. Yes." Snow replied casually. Sipping his red wine that reminded me of blood. That thought sends me shivers down my spine.

"When?" I choked on the word unable to finish my question.

"'When' what, Katniss?" He acted like he's innocent.

I got irritated because he's only fooling around with me. "You know what I mean!" I managed to control the level of my voice so I can't shout it. I am pissed, though. I can't say the words 'kill' and Gale in the same sentence.

He wasn't phased by my anger and hatred towards him. "At the right time," He smirked which sends another wave of shivers throughout my spine.

"What else can I do?" I pleaded which I know was a pathetic attempt. Tears form behind my eyes that I try to keep at bay. But I want Gale to live more than anything. Hazelle doesn't deserve to lose a son because of me.

"You've done enough." There was an edge to his voice.

But I know there can be something. Some way I can protect Gale. I don't want to run to Haymitch this time. What else can I do...?

All of this mess started because of Gale and me having sex which resulted into me having a baby. It's the baby. The reason why Snow wants to kill him. Maybe if it were Peeta's, this situation could have been different.

I suggest something I never thought I would have to say. "Can I get an abortion?"

Abortions weren't allowed in District 12. I've heard of Districts like 1 and 4 using some kind of shots, but they're really expensive. If couples doesn't want their child in 12, then the kid will be placed in the orphanage home where the so-called orphanage is mostly filth and disgusting. I don't know if any lower districts has the same thing. I don't want the baby to have any suffering so I might as well end it. Ending my pregnancy will also mean keeping Gale alive. Hopefully. It's a risk I'm willing to take.

Snow looked doubtful. "Is that what you really want?"

"Will it keep Gale alive if I do have one?"

I want to stare at anywhere except for his snake-like eyes at this moment. "Maybe. Maybe not. Everyone in the Capitol adores you, Katniss. I don't think they could bare it if you kill your child. It'd be better for the both of us for you to keep it," A sick smile spread on his face. "I can have some fun with your daughter or son."

At that moment, I want to yell at him, but Snow walked away somewhere into the crowd and I lost sight of him. Instantly, I felt nauseous. At how much I've eaten and what Snow told me. Gale will die because of me and it will be my fault.

I rush out of the room and rush into the bathroom that's connected to the banquet room. I kneeled over the toilet to vomit seeing my dinner appear. I flushed it feeling tears pouring down my eyes.

One thought that rules my mind. I'm sure it'll bring a new round of nightmares for me.

Gale is going to die...

And it'll be my fault.

/

/

I look at the rest of the food wanting to avoid the rest of the Capitol people as much as possible. I only pick at some of the stuff because of my appetite had resurfaced. I look at the dessert table. I see the gorgeous looking cakes and cupcakes. There were certain cupcakes that caught my eye. In chocolate and vanilla flavor with white icing. On it, was my token; the mockingjay in gold icing.

It's in honor of me. Of my mockingjay pin. The Girl on Fire. But I'm mostly The Girl Who Can't Do Anything Right.

"Those look delicious, don't they?" Octavia asked with the rest of my prep team. Clearly all of them were very drunk.

I force on a smile. "Yes. They do."

"Are you _really_ pregnant?!" Venia squealed. Her hand touches my stomach and I really want to swat her hands away from me. Particularly_there_. But I have to be friendly right now so I just let it slide no matter how much it irritates me.

I nodded. "I am."

"Congratulations for both you and Peeta!" She grinned.

"Thank you," I hear Peeta's voice behind me, his arm wrapping around my waist. "The rest of the food looks so good. I don't think I can take another bite." I'm the same way. I'm afraid I'll puke it out later.

"Here, drink this!" Octavia offered handing Peeta a fancy wine glass. "It helps."

I got wary on what she means by "it helps". How can some drink help? Peeta was suspicious of it too and sniffed it first.

"I don't recommend it for you, Katniss, because of your little one," Peeta brings the glass to his lips, but she frantically stopped her. "No! Not here!"

"Why?" I find myself asking.

"He'll make a mess everywhere."

That's when he got it. "This will make me puke?"

She nodded. "I only did twice."

Peeta handed the glass back, rejecting it. I would too. The Capitol people sickens me. They gorge themselves with food at fancy parties like these only to puke it out to have some more when there's a bunch of other people in Districts would love to have this amount of food.

Eventually, they left to go talk to other people which was something I don't want to do. Peeta didn't want to do that either so we sat an empty table to talk. I know Effie said we should socialize with them, but I just can't do it.

"There's something on your mind. Is there?" Peeta guessed. I didn't know I'm that obvious. He can always read me like I'm an open book. The same way with Gale.

"Yeah, but I can't tell you here." I have to be careful how I choose my words around everyone.

Whenever there was a slow dance, Peeta and I took that opportunity to dance together. When I have my chin rested on his right shoulder, I couldn't help but noticing a woman's necklace. The pendant was the mockingjay. _My_mockingjay. I've been seeing the mockingjay used for fashion and food like the cupcakes. I though my token was supposed to be hated. Why is it being flaunted by the people from the Capitol?

After the dance, Peeta and I were still forced to mingle with the others. He got to talk to the bakers and I just gave Peeta compliments about how good of a cook he is. Women (who I assumed were mothers) gave me motherly advice which I will never take from anyone in the Capitol. No matter how much good of a parent they seem to be. As a citizen from the Capitol, how could you watch the Hunger Games and still want children?

Midnight had arrived which meant for us to finally go. We never got to say thanks to Snow because he wasn't into parties that much, according to Effie. Most of us went to bed in the train and Peeta have slipped into my bedroom.

/

/

_I'm having an interview with Caesar Flickerman. I hear myself answering some question that I don't know what he asked. Then I hear another male's voice expecting it was Peeta's, but it wasn't._

_It is Gale._

_"Why don't you show us what you can do with your bow and arrows, Katniss?"_

_Everyone was encouraging me to do it, even Gale._

_I laugh, shaking my head and blushed. "I don't think anyone wants to see that, Caesar. I'll save it for the Games, you know?" Ugh. I hate it when I talk like this. Why am I talking like this?!_

_"C'mon, Catnip," Gale smiled. "I know you can do it," Then he pointed at something. "It's an easy target."_

_Pointed at someone rather. A small boy who looks like he's at the age of twelve. Has that Seam appearance to him: olive skin, gray eyes, dark hair. Could he be mine and Gale's son? Is my target actually my son? His horrified gray eyes stare back at me looking petrified. I can't believe I'm going to kill him. I hope I wake up soon._

_"Okay." I stand up suddenly having my bow and arrow in hand._

_I aim it at him. At my own son. I will kill my own son for their sick pleasure. But Gale can't be among one of them. Why isn't he stopping this? Most importantly, why am I allowing myself to do this?_

_I let go of my arrow and it directly struck at my son._

_I ignore the round of applause as a pool of blood is engulfing him. I find myself running to him and cradling dead body in my arms crying._

_"Wasn't that amazing?" Caesar smiled to everyone in the audience. Everyone seems to be completely unaware that I'm practically hysterical over the death of my son. The death that I caused._

_I hear Gale agreeing with him and I was more than furious at his reaction. I walk over to him starting to yell and hit and call him every foul name I can think of. Hating him that he never stopped me. Just let me give the audience what they want._

_What annoyed and bothered me the most was he's not even affected by it. I hear the audience chanting my name._

_"Katniss! Katniss! Katniss!"_

I awaken, shooting straight up gasping for air. My forehead and every part of my body feels like it's drenched instead of being in sweat. Sleeping with Peeta usually cures any nightmare, but they seem to get worse.

I placed my hand on my stomach to check if I'm still pregnant. I know there's no bump yet, but I feel better knowing it was just a dream. Just another nightmare. The baby was still inside of me. I haven't killed it.

I look at Peeta who was asleep in peace. We're all okay. The reminder of going back home was soothing enough to lull me back to sleep.


	6. Chapter 5

**Author's Note:** Have any of you seen the Catching Fire movie? I did when it first came out and I thought it was really really good! I loved it! Enjoy reading and please review!

* * *

We finally come home to District 12. I've never been so happy before. It's been days since we had dinner at the mayor's mansion. Madge was happy for me that I'm having a baby, but felt bad too because of it's future. My son or daughter can either get reaped when he or she'll turn 12 or will get handed over to Snow. If he or she does get reaped, then it was obviously rigged to add more drama. I'm definitely not allowing that to happen. I don't want to be the child's mentor and I don't want Peeta or Haymitch to either.

It's a Sunday and like usual I try to spend time with Gale as much as I can and fill him in. I packed a meal for us in a leather bag hoping he'll remember our meeting today. I rarely saw him on other Sundays and I feared he was avoiding me. But sometimes he did come to see me only to ask how me and the baby was doing; that talk was always casual. I let it be that way, not talking about anything else.

It was a hike to the lake because our usual spot isn't safe for us anymore. I reach an unusual house that looks about to be twelve square and there's only one room. Only one of four glass windows remains, wavy and yellowed by time. There's no plumbing and no electricity, but the fireplace still works and a woodpile in a corner my father and I stored there years ago. I start the fire and sweep out any snow. Then, I wait for Gale as I work on the fire.

"You really shouldn't come out here on your own anymore." Gale's voice made me jump and I quickly stand up.

"Don't sneak up on me like that!" I hissed.

"I wasn't sneaking up on you," He said. "But I am serious about what I said."

"Why?" I hear myself sounding like a little child.

"Well, you _are_ pregnant, Katniss," He answered as if I'm slow. "There won't be many things you would normally do when you're fat."

I gave him a look because of his word to describe me being pregnant. "Fat? Really, Gale?" I see him smirking in amusement and I hate it that I'm doing the same thing. I open my mouth to give him the information, but he began speaking.

"I was livid with you, you know," Gale confessed, staring at the dancing flames. "But when you said you're pregnant, everything made sense and I know the truth," His gray eyes looks at me. "It is mine, right?" I nodded. "I figured. When you came back, I need a lot of time to myself to think things out. I'm okay now because I know," He placed a hand on my flat stomach. "She'll be worth it in the end."

My eyes filled with water at his words. I try to furiously blink them away. Did he just call the baby a she? Does he want a girl? Also, how can this be worth it in the end?

I don't have any time to think of more questions because I feel his lips on mine. Unexpected. I hate moments like these. Peeta does it to me all the time. Why am I thinking of him right now?

The kiss doesn't last not long, but if felt like it was forever. He smiled. "Welcome home."

He leans in to kiss me again, but my feelings for him and Peeta makes me confused. I stopped because I don't want to mislead him.

"I can't do this, Gale," I said honestly. "Not when I don't know my own feelings for you and when I think about everything else that has been going on," He sits up straight and I know I'll lose him. Like for the tour, I was supposed to make everything better, but I'm not. Only making it worse like what I'm doing to Gale. "You know how much you mean to me. With this child we'll be always together."

"_This_ child?" He seemed to not like my choice of words.

"_Our_ baby," I corrected myself. Hearing me speak that way for the first time, makes it so real. I think of the dream I had when I killed our son. How I silently weeped myself to sleep. Thinking of the child's future just brings more horror to my endless nightmares. "Somehow we'll make this work."

"I can always visit to see her."

I think about how Peeta is playing his part. I forgot I was supposed to hate him for that, but seeing him and being with him made those negative emotions disappear. It's hard to hate him when something like this isn't his fault.

"But it won't be the same. You'll never get to be the father. My life is designed by the Capitol to be destined with Peeta forever."

"I can make it work, Katniss," He said determined. "The least thing I'm afraid is the Capitol. I will make it work to be a father for her."

He called it a 'her' again. I have to ask. "Why do you want a girl?"

A small smile appeared at the corner of his lips. "So I can have a mini you when you're away mentoring others."

I rolled my eyes remarking sarcastically. "Yeah because I'm _so_ amazing. I wish you can be a father like you deserve and I wouldn't have to play house with Peeta," I added bitterly. Gale isn't fond of my future with Peeta either. "You know, if I do everything right with this, President Snow wouldn't take our baby."

Gale looks instantly disgusted. "What? Take our..." He's trying to process it inside his head. I can see it in his eyes. "What could he possibly do? Take it to the Capitol and have it tortured to death or-"

I have to interrupt him right there. That's a mental image I never wish to see. "Maybe," I said firmly. "Peeta will raise it with me and that's how I can keep it safe until then. You can still visit, but just-"

"No," He nearly growled. His gray eyes filled with hatred I know its not directed to me, but to the Capitol. To Snow. "Like you said, Katniss, I deserve to be the father! And I intend to be that and if President Snow doesn't like it then he can fuck himself!"

I don't scold him for that. It's not the first time we talked badly about him or the Capitol.

I sighed. "Please cooperate, Gale. President Snow will kill you-"

"Anyone else?"

"He didn't give me a list, but I have a pretty good guess it concerns both of our families. I wish we can just run away..."

"How can we do that now?"

"I don't know," I imagine ourselves and our families and Peeta and Haymitch traveling in the woods. My belly will grow and I will give birth and Prim and my mother would help me deliver it. While we walk, we try to find water and hunt for food for ourselves and mostly the baby. If we ever do leave, the baby would probably die of starvation in a week. "The odds aren't in our favor if we do."

Gale only nodded. I assume he's thinking of the same possible yet realistic scenario.

"It would be nice if we could," I commented. "Because of the uprisings..."

That perked his interest. "Uprisings? Where? How do you know?"

I explained what happened on Tour Day. What happened to District 11 and other Districts including District 8. I saw a glimpse of the clip of it in the mayor's mansion, but I wasn't supposed to.

"Wow," He said amazed. "It's actually happening. Finally..."

"Worse timing for it to..." I frowned, thinking of the baby.

"No," He disagreed. "Perfect timing. With you being pregnant, maybe there can be people who has a heart to rebel too."

"And it's just perfect timing to have a baby right in the middle of a war." I hissed.

"Katniss-" He tried to explain, but I can't talk about this anymore.

"Let's go."

We walked together to his house and I stayed for a bit. What I told Gale is what I need to tell Peeta. I haven't told him anything.

"By the way, I told my Mom that you're pregnant with my baby and not Peeta's." He muttered to me as we entered. I guess Hazelle told Gale when he got home from work and he gave her the truth. I feel guilty for lying to her, but I couldn't tell her at that time.

"Kat-knees!" Four year old little Posy ran towards me from the kitchen, hugging my legs. Smiling, I hug her back and was amused at how she pronounced my name.

"It's Kat-_niss_, Pos," Gale corrected, but I think she's ignoring him. Then he smirked at me. "Or Catnip."

I rolled my eyes at him and kneel down to her level. "You can call me whatever you want. Don't listen to him."

Her adorable gray eyes beamed at me, smiling. Then she stuck out her tongue at her big brother.

"Where are the others, Pos?" Gale asked.

"Mommy is outside doing the laundry and Vick is at Heath's." Pos answered and I stand up.

"What about Rory?"

"He's hunting."

My eyes widen in fear. He's twelve and shouldn't be out there on his own no matter if he has weapons. I look to Gale seeing his furious reaction and he's making Posy scared.

"I told him not to hunt without me," He said annoyed. "I think I'll talk to Mom first to let her know."

"Don't take it out on her, Gale." I said gently.

His head snapped to me when he was heading out. "Why would she let him be out on his own?"

"Oops," We hear Posy's quiet voice and look down seeing her shy face. "Rory told me to keep where he was going a secret. I told Mommy that he was going to a friend's house."

This got Gale even more frustrated I can tell, but he's trying to have a calm posture for his sister's sake. "Don't listen to what Rory says Posy, okay? And you know better than to lie, don't you?"

She only nodded, having her head down in shame. I can't help to feel sorry for her.

"I'll go look for him," He assured her and looks at me. "He must have been far out that we couldn't see him."

"Or very quiet," I added. "I'm going to go too."

"Okay. I'll deal with what's going on here. Bye, Catnip."

"Bye, Gale. Bye, Posy." I walked out of the house and to Peeta's. I thought I should leave there now so Gale can work out his situation about his brother.

/

/

I knocked on Peeta's door three times. I know he'll hate me for keeping all of these things from him. He has every right to, but then again, there was no time for me to tell him.

The door opened revealing Peeta. He looks surprised to see me. "Hey, Katniss. What's up?"

"I need to tell you something. It's a lot."

He got the gist that whatever I have to say is extremely important. He let me in and I rejected anything that he offered me to eat or drink. I was still full from the meal I ate with Gale.

We're in his living room sitting on the couch and I went straight to it to calmly give him the details. I know these victor houses are being spied on, but I no longer care because what I'm about to tell Peeta is what Snow already knows.

"Before Tour Day, President Snow came to my house to talk to me," He looks worried. "He knows the truth about me and Gale,"

His eyes widen in shock. "Katniss, do you know what we just did?" He asked in a measured voice.

"I know it didn't work, but please listen-" I still try to remain calm.

"We screwed up and made a fool of ourselves when we did the interview with Caesar-"

"But I'm still doing my part to be in love with you so that should count for something, right? Not everyone is convinced we're in love so the wedding and the baby will be proof of that. If we act like we are then we should be fine because if we don't he'll kill Gale and any of our family members." He still seemed annoyed by this.

"Okay," He sighed. "Anything else?"

I told him more about what happened on Tour Day. The reasons why it happened. He was really mad about what happened to District 11 when he gave the money to Rue's and Thresh's families. We don't know if he can do that and if they would even get the money. And I also told him how everyone is in jeopardy because of my doing with the berries.

"Let me guess, does Haymitch know all about this too?" He spit.

"Yes."

"Why?" He demanded. "Why do I have to be the last one to know everything? I thought we were a team. I thought we were supposed to tell each other everything-"

"It's hard to, Peeta!"

"That doesn't mean Haymitch can't tell me." He grumbled.

"Haymitch can barely stay sober," I said as a joke to lighten the mood which didn't work because he was still annoyed. Maybe it's no longer funny because it's too true when we saw the real Haymitch and no longer knows him as the drunk next door. I sighed. "I know this is a lot to take in. I'm sorry you have to find out this way, Peeta."

"It's better knowing now than not knowing at all." For a second, I thought he was still insulted by me and Haymitch not giving any information, but he seems relaxed than he was before.

"You're right." I agreed.

"The wedding and this whole baby thing is still going on, isn't it?"

"Yeah. I don't think we can stop it now because most people in the Capitol are in love with us. They're just waiting for the wedding and the baby to arrive."

"How does Gale feel about all of this?"

"Way beyond angry."

"Tell him I won't ever take his place." I think back when I felt so much hatred to him that he was taking Gale's place, but hearing him say those words made everything feel better. It was like a reassurance for me to know Peeta is taking a stand to not be a piece in their Games. Even though, we'll still be with the baby, Gale would come to visit his baby and we'll almost be like a family. Almost. I'll be married to Peeta by the time the baby comes.

"I will." I promised.

Peeta changed subject by showing me his newest drawings and painting and they never cease to amaze me. He drew and painted painted beautiful scenery of the woods that look so life like. He confessed he made some art about the Games and wouldn't show them to me unless I wanted to. He said it sometimes help to get the images out of his mind. I gladly refused to see them.

Eventually, I went home because knowing how Gale's temper can get, I don't think it would be safe to stop by at his house after he found Rory. Feeling suddenly exhausted, I got a shower and took a nap. Only awakened to eat dinner then went back to sleep again for the day.

/

/

_I eagerly waited to see the picture Peeta is painting on his canvass. I kept pestering him about when will he be done and he always answered soon. He laughed at my excitement and his body kept blocking it because I tried to get a peek._

_I grew impatient. "Is it done yet?"_

_"Yes." The way he answered it sounds like he was satisfied. He stepped away and my jaw dropped with a gasp._

_He painted a mockingjay. Like my pin. It's gold and it's wings are out as if taking flight._

_Does he know what he did?_

_"Peeta..." I breathed out unable to finish my sentence. I'm not sure if I had anything to say at all._

_Suddenly, the door burst open and Peacekeeper entered with a gun in hand. Pointed it at Peeta and before I could beg to stop him, the Peacekeper shot him in the chest. I ran toward him and sobbed over his dead body._

I woke up screaming and crying and the door was open. For one frightening second, I feared it was a Peacekeeper ready to shoot me too, but thankfully, it wasn't. It was only my sister, Prim, running to me frantically. She has a worried and panicked expression as she laid with me on the bed. Her arms enveloped me and let me cry about the nonexistent death of Peeta.

When I was able to calm down, she asked me softly. "Do you want me to sleep with you?"

Who I really want with me is Peeta because I know he can take my nightmares away. But so can Prim and it's not the first time she had done this.

"Yes." I helped her to get under the covers and we fell asleep again.

I woke up finding myself alone. Since the nightmare about Peeta, there were none after because of Prim. Speaking of my sister, she wasn't in bed with me. Probably left to go downstairs for breakfast. Usually, I would be in the mood for breakfast, but I feel like I want to vomit. I rushed for the bathroom and did just that.

I got ready for the morning and my mother knew I puked because of my breath. She forced me to eat toast I'm not thrilled at all to eat. I drank tea and ate slowly.

I think about Rory knowing how he loves to hunt. I haven't hunted in days it feels like and I can teach him more when Gale's not around. I get along with all of his family and Rory was used to having me around his house.

Not being able to take another bite of my toast, I tell my mother I will go out for a walk.

I run into Peeta and it was such a relief to see him alive, walking, and breathing. I don't think I can tell him about my nightmare.

I smile, hugging him. He was surprised, but hugged me back. He's alive. That's all that matters right now. No bloody shot wound on his chest. Still the same old Peeta Mellark.

"Hey, Katniss. Are you going to go hunting?" He asked when we let go and continued to walk in the square.

"Yeah. I was going to ask Rory; Gale's little brother since he taught him how to hunt."

He nodded in understanding. "Oh..." He doesn't know how to use the bows and arrows so I don't think he really does understand.

"Want to join us?" I smirked.

"No, thanks," He shook his head. "I've done enough fighting in the Games."

"I do it to survive," I told him. "Having all of the money in the world won't stop me to hunt."

He smiled. "That's what I love about you. Your determination."

He said it. Peeta actually said it. The L word. I can never be able to catch on to these things before hand. Always gets me off guard.

Was I supposed to say something? If so, what should I say? Is he expecting it? "Thanks." I said lamely. I know it wasn't good enough. But maybe if he hadn't have said love, I wouldn't act so stupid now.

"Where are you going?"

"My father and Logan are working at the mines and since Jasper has no interest in baking, my Mom called me to help her out today." I nodded. Logan, twenty, was the eldest of the Mellark boys and Jasper, eighteen, was the middle child.

The only sound filling in the silence between us was the crunch of the snow beneath our boots.

...And strange noises coming from the square that made Peeta and I both stop to listen more closely. A whistling, the sound of an impact, the intake breath from a crowd, and a shriek that sounds young and too high pitched for it to be a girl. My guess it's a boy. A young boy.

Seeing Peeta's hard face, it looks like he figured it out. "Come on."

The voices were faint, but it was growing loudly and it was a boy's and an older man's.

"You really think you could get away with this, do you?" I hear the man ask.

I wasn't able to hear the boy's response, but there was another sharp intake of breath when I heard a smack along with it. And a cry from the boy.

I'm panicking inside for this young boy's life. When we reach the square, there was large crowd blocking our view. I remember a nightmare I had when I killed my son and let it happen. I don't want it to happen to this boy. Whoever he is. Despite Peeta's urgent demand to stop me, I ignored him and pushed my way through the crowd. I knew I am so close, but I feel strong arms gripping tightly to hold me. It was three Peacekeepers and it was enough to make it difficult for me to struggle out of their death grip.

But I still tried. I begged to let this madness stop as tears blurred my vision. I spew out every curse word I know at them. Because I know that boy.


	7. Chapter 6

"No! What the fuck are you doing?! Stop! Please, he's just a boy!" I yelled at the top of my lungs still trying to break free.

Ugly and nasty whip marks were on the scrawny back of Rory's. He was covered with them. Looked like he got attacked by a wild animal. His hands were bound to a wooden post and was on his knees. The Peacekeeper was using this new brutal whip I've never seen before. He must be new because I never saw him. Has receding gray hair and was old, but still looks strong and fit.

Rory's head looked back to me and it seemed to be a difficult and painful movement. His jacket's been cast aside and his shirt was on the ground ripped off of him, but the tear looked too rough for a pair of hands to do that. The bow and arrows were also on the ground. His eyes met my own gray ones and I swore I see his lips moving to say my name, but he was too far from me I couldn't hear him at all.

The next movement happened so fast I blinked when I missed the Peacekeepr taking out its gun shoving it on Rory's head. My eyes widen in horror and I screamed until my voice is hoarse.

"Shut her up!" The Peacekeeper with the gun harshly commanded.

I felt a slap across my cheek and a gloved hand cover my mouth. My screams were muffled as tears poured down my face. The Peacekeeper sneered at Rory and said something so low to him that none of us could hear it. Rory's lips barely moved to give him a response and then he closed his eyes.

As if waiting for it. Expecting it.

My eyes grew wider and I thought they were going to pop out of its sockets. Rory knew what was going to happen. Because he broke the law. He shouldn't have to die this way. If anyone should, it should have been me or Gale because we're mostly the ones who go out in the woods. But we were careful about it. Rory still had a lot to learn.

The gun fired blasting at Rory's head. Peeta and Haymitch ran here too late. The Peacekeepers who were holding me down finally released me and I ran over to Rory. Crying on him, cradled his dead body and his bloody head was on my lap.

"Hey, girly, do not interfere with this punishment!" He raised his arm and I took the whip across the left side of my face.

Even though I'm on my knees, the impact of the whip made me lose my balance to fall to my right side and Rory's body slumped onto the ground. There was an instant pain and I already feel the welt rising up.

Hands grab me to pull me up and I thought it was the Peacekeeper, but to my relief, it was Peeta. Looking very concerned and worried for me and he gave me a tight hug. Unable to control myself, I kept crying and he whispers soothing words to calm me down as Haymitch was settling things with this new Peacekeeper. I caught his name; Head Peacekeeper, Romulus Thread.

Peeta lets me go so the both of us could listen to the conversation. His arm was around my waist.

"Why does she care so much about this criminal anyway?" Thread asked. Glanced down at Rory as if he were nothing, but dirt and filth.

"He's her cousin," Peeta answered. "And my fiancé and the mother of my child."

His dark eyes stared into mine. "I don't care that you're knocked up. I'll kill all three of you right now."

"Do you know who you're dealing with?" Haymitch asked, his voice neutral. "Have you seen us before? Seen _her_ before? Doesn't she look familiar to you?" Thread's eyes studied my face for a while. "I don't think President Snow can afford to lose three victors in one day," He looked at me sighing with a frown. But I'm not sure if he's doing it for sympathy or an act for Thread. "She got a photo shoot next week to model in wedding dresses. That scar on her face will not look pretty," He looked back at Thread. "We promise to behave."

"You better be." Thread sneered walking away. Shouting at the audience to leave which they did in a rush as if this place was going to explode.

I want to be with Rory. I hate myself that I took too long to ask him to hunt with me. This is what Snow meant by waiting at the right time to kill Gale or any of our family's. Thread was new and I didn't know he can kill Rory off like that with no question. Usually, the firing squad would have to deal with Rory. But maybe Snow pointed out to all of the Peacekeepers mine and Gale's family members. Thread was on this too.

"Come on, Katniss." Peeta said calmly.

But I don't want to leave Rory behind. No matter what he did, it was my fault because like the rest of his family members, Rory was on Snow's Kill List. "No!"

"Yes, you all should leave too. No exceptions." Thread said firmly.

I want nothing more than to have my arrow strike his chest. But they're in the woods and Peeta was pulling me away from him and Haymitch followed us. He helped Peeta to haul me away because I struggled to look at Rory. Not wanting the Peacekeepers filthy hands to touch him. I kept crying out to him even though he would never hear me again. Will never get the chance to see his niece or nephew and get married and will have a family of his own.

All because of me. This was my fault.

How am I supposed to tell Gale and Hazelle this?

They will hate me for sure. But I can't lose Gale. Not now.

When I finally calmed myself down, I roughly shoved Peeta's and Haymitch's hold off of me. Both of them were being gentle, but I'm tired of being grabbed at. Neither of us have said anything. All I can think about was Rory and how they'll bury him in the cemetery and then will go over at Hazelle's house to tell her the horrible news. I haven't stepped foot in that cemetery since my father died. I only visit his grave once to see him and could never do it again. That was when the nightmares about him started. I don't know how I can be able to handle going to Rory's grave.

Haymitch returned to his house figuring Peeta was fine to take me by himself. Knowing him, he'll just get drunk because of what he saw. At this point, it doesn't sound like a bad idea. To drink your worries away and forget everything. But I'm not entirely clueless about being pregnant; I know I can't drink.

Peeta wrapped his arm around my shoulders and I don't brush him away at his touch. I need him with me knowing he can take this pain away. Just by being him; using his careful touches and his beautiful words. I don't want to shun him out. We're at the doorstep of my house and his arm was at his side about to leave.

"No, please don't," I sniffed, holding his hand. "I don't think I can explain what happened by myself."

"Okay." He understood and walked me in.

We get the snow off our boots on the rug and took them off. My mother liked to have this place nice and clean because of my photo shoot, but I think Haymitch was serious about rescheduling it to make my eye heal.

Buttercup came downstairs and his muddy yellow eyes looked at me for a moment. Didn't bother to hiss at me as if he can sense I don't want to be bothered. He went outside before Peeta got to close the door. If Buttercup was coming downstairs, then so would Prim.

Oh, Prim. I hate to tell her this. I know how close she was with Rory. Like I am with Gale. She and Rory were great friends. Like I predicted, Prim had come downstairs at first delighted to see me, but caught on when she saw my face closely.

She frowned. "What's wrong?"

I can tell her this. I know I can tell her this. Peeta's giving me this opportunity to. I swallowed a hard lump in my throat that made new tears form behind my eyes. I'm losing it. I know I am. The confidence I thought I had left as soon as it came. "I-I w-w-was going to hunt w-w-with R-R-Ror..." I feel myself completely breaking down. My bottom lip quivered the whole time I tried to speak. I couldn't anymore even though I should be the one. Not Peeta. But with these damn hormones ruining my life, I can't be my regular self.

"Katniss?" I hear Prim's shaken voice as I cover my face with my hands so she wouldn't see me cry. "You're scaring me..." Great. The last thing I want to do. Whenever she's working with our mother, she acts like a different person. Someone older. But now she's acting like her age. A frightened thirteen year old who doesn't understand because her older sister can't control herself and can't speak properly.

Thankfully, Peeta jumped in to explain everything, but first asked where was our mother. Prim fetched her from upstairs and they returned together. My mother became worried and concerned and we discussed it in the living room. I just left in the middle of it to grab tissues from the kitchen and gave some to myself and to my mother and Prim. She was crying and my mother was just in shock, covering her hand with her mouth and tears sparkled in her blue eyes, but none came out.

Throughout all of this, I said softly. "I should have been there...with Rory in the woods...should have been there quick enough-"

"Katniss, don't blame yourself for this," Peeta said gently, rubbing my back.

"He's right," My mother agreed. "It's not your fault-"

I angrily stood up. "So then it's Rory's?! How can it be? He had no idea what he was doing! He's a beginner. He had a lot to learn," I choked out the next words when his dead body plagued my mind. "He was just a boy..."

"Katniss-" Prim tried to talk to me, but I don't want to. I don't want to see her this upset. I just went upstairs to my bedroom and slammed the door shut. Landing on my bed to cry my eyes out.

There's no way I'll be able to face the Hawthorne family again. Maybe it would be better that Peeta will be the father instead of Gale. So if another possibly planned death to one of Gale's family member happens, I wouldn't have to see them and grieve along with them. I'll happily raise the baby with Peeta. And act as if Gale is my cousin like I'm supposed to.

I heard knocks on the door and I figured it was Prim. I regretted running away from her because she doesn't understand. Like Rory, she's too young. She lost a friend just like I have.

"Prim?" I called, sitting up straight looking at the door and wiped my eyes. I sit on the edge of the bed to wait for her.

"It's me." That was Peeta's voice. I thought he would leave so we could mourn to ourselves in private, but he obviously didn't.

"Come in," I told him and he opened the door. His worried blue eyes were looking at me. "What do you want?"

He walked further into my room. "I just don't want you to hate yourself for this," And sat next to me on the bed which I didn't mind. "What happened isn't your fault."

"Why do I feel like it is?" I grumbled. I lay back on the bed again not caring Peeta was still sitting on it.

He thought about it for a minute. "Maybe because that's what President Snow wants you to feel. Guilt, because of his death threats about our families and Gale's are over your head. Don't let him win, Katniss," He added in a serious tone. "You're stronger than that."

I know. I know I shouldn't let Snow have control over me. I couldn't believe it happened to Rory and it was so fast. Thread and probably the rest of the Peacekeepers were out to carefully watch every move what mine and Gale's family are doing and even Peeta's. That's why Thread killed Rory at that short second because he was only doing Snow's orders. But that doesn't make me hate him and the other Peacekeepers any less just because they obey their master like a dog.

"I don't know how I can see Gale again..." A lone tear slide down my right cheek when I think of him and his reaction.

"Try to be there for him. He will need you now for comfort. That's all you can do because he will have to heal on his own." Like we are trying to do from the Games. Haymitch is still healing; drinks alcohol by himself until he's drunk.

"I can try." I don't think I can be that kind of person like Peeta is comforting me now. But I will have to because what if my child is hurt? I will have to tend to him or her and make my child feel better.

"Good. You should do it on your own time if you feel ready." He suggested and was about to get up. But I don't him to. I don't want to be left alone and have Rory's death replay in my head.

"Wait," He turned around. I move to the other side of the bed a little so he can have him to lie down. "Can you sleep with me? Or at least stay here until I wake up?" Because of this pregnancy, I feel more exhausted than usual.

His eyes softened yet beamed when he walked toward me. "Yeah."

Peeta crawled into bed with me and I snuggled closer to him for his warmth. He kissed my forehead and rested his own against mine. It was nice to feel his breathing on my face. And we're so quiet I can faintly hear his heart beating.

But then, I remember something...

"Don't you have to work with your mother?" I would be disappointed if he would remember then get up and leave. I don't want this moment to end.

"Yes, but you're more important to me than she is." My heart fluttered. I know he was being honest. His mother was awful and abusive to him. Not anyone in his family thought he would survive the Hunger Games. Well, he proved them wrong.

Something stirred up inside me like an awakening. As I stared into his bright blue eyes, my heart skipped a beat. It was then, right there, at that moment it was more than just an urge to make the move. It was a desire.

I kissed him.


	8. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: **FYI Ihad a different ending, but I changed it because of how long this one already is. I'm doing this story as if Katniss were actually pregnant in Catching Fire, but I'm leaving some things out. Not only to make it my own, but because there are things she does in the book that I think she shouldn't do while pregnant. Just keep in mind, I have no experience about being pregnant so I do research about it. Anyway, enjoy reading and please review. :)

* * *

This kiss was very different than the ones I've experienced with Gale. Perhaps it's because we were doing everything fast just so we can reach the main thing we wanted in sex. For the first time, this kiss with Peeta was slow and he's being gentle. No force. Neither of us are putting an act for the cameras. We're kissing for us. Because we want to. It's different than the other kisses we shared. Something bubbles up inside of me spreading the sensation throughout my body.

We stopped to catch for our breath and stared into each other's eyes. My gray ones meeting his gorgeous blue like the sky. We get lost with each other until we fell asleep in the middle of the afternoon. His arms were securely holding me and I felt safe.

_Gale was in the woods with Peeta and I. He was holding a little girl's hand who almost look like a miniature version of me when I was younger. I assume her age is around four. Has the Seam appearance: olive skin tone, gray eyes, and dark hair. Like Gale and I have. That's when it hits me she's our daughter._

_Something made me wish she would run into my arms and we can play with her. But instead of running into me, she happily ran toward Peeta. I get disappointed she didn't want me to hold her, but I was happy at the same time because she was happy too. He gladly scooped her up in his arms making her giggle. The most wonderful noise I have ever heard._

_Then we move on into the woods leaving Gale behind. I don't know why. I thought he should come with us, but he didn't. I don't know why I'm not encouraging him to follow us. Peeta, my daughter, and I were at the lake._

_"Whistle, Mommy!" She giggled._

_I did for her. I whistled Rue's four note. The mockingjays repeated the note in the air and my daughter's face was like this was the most amazing thing she had heard._

I woke up and I enjoyed my dream. Not a nightmare at all, but that always happens when I'm with Peeta. I had a peaceful sleep for once. I see his blue eyes already open looking at me.

"How long were you awake?" I asked, a bit groggy from my sleep. I rubbed the tiredness out of my eyes.

"About five minutes ago," Peeta answered. "You slept well."

"I did." I said fondly.

"Did you have any dreams?"

"Yeah. I dreamt about my daughter." I smile at the thought. I was happier to see her than my son. That's probably because when I saw him, he was dead.

His eyes beamed. "Really?"

I nodded. "I didn't get it, though. Me, you, her, and Gale were in the woods. Gale dropped her off and she ran to you. Do you think it means anything?"

He thought about it for a moment. "I don't think so," He made a small smile. "But that seems like it was a really nice dream."

"It was." I felt my smile growing wider. Actually smiled about seeing my daughter for the first time. My daughter who's not even born yet. When I saw her face and heard her laugh, I couldn't believe I wanted an abortion.

"We should heal your eye." Peeta said getting off the bed.

I touched the bruise and it feels numb. "Does it look bad?"

"Just a little."

Peeta and I went downstairs and I asked my mother what I should do with it. She said to put some snow on it and I did. Peeta wanted to help me with it, but I told him I was perfectly capable of doing it myself. When I stepped out of the house, Prim was staring out and her hands were in her coat pockets. Why would she be out here? It's freezing! I grabbed snow in my right hand to put it on my eye and walked over to her.

"What are you doing out here?" I asked worriedly. "You'll get sick."

I must have frightened her a little because she jumped. She quickly wiped her eyes as if she was tired. "I was looking for Buttercup."

"You know him. Always out to get a meal like a rat or something," That didn't made her feel better and I instantly knew something is wrong. It didn't took me a while to figure it out. "You miss him, don't you?" I spoke of Rory not that stupid cat. The snow in my hand I put it at my side dropping it.

"You should let your eye heal." She insisted.

"I know you miss Rory, Prim," I said evenly yet being gentle for her sake. Swallowing down a hard lump hoping no tears would come out again. I'm tired of crying. "I'm sorry-"

She looks confused. "What do you have to be sorry for? You weren't the one who killed him. _They_ did it..." She added with what almost sounds like a growl. Something I never expect to hear from her.

I only sighed for a response to that. "You liked him, didn't you?"

Prim nodded and I notice her bottom lip trembling. I embraced her in my arms so she can have a shoulder to cry on, but none came out. I guess she cried long before I got here. She probably went outside when I took the nap with Peeta. She only put her arms around me and rested her head on my right shoulder as I held her close. I can hear her sniffling.

"Rory will be okay now." I comforted her. I'm not good at it to other people, but I know my sister well enough what to say.

"I know. I just wish he didn't have to die this way..."

"Me too," My heart breaks a little when she moved away from me. Maybe she's like me. Hate it when other people see you cry and you just wants to be alone to grieve. But, no. I don't want her to become like me. Besides, I've always came to her when she had her nightmares or she would come to me. But she rarely comes to me for nightmares anymore. "Prim...?" My own voice sounds like I'm far away.

"Please, leave me alone." She said quietly, looking at the snowy ground.

I felt rejected. I'm her big sister, supposed to comfort her. How could she push me away? After all I've done for her? Before my anger can build up inside of me and I know I'll say word to her I'll eventually regret, Prim turned to the house to leave me. I was about to follow her, but neither of us have gotten that far because Peeta was just coming out. I'm a bit annoyed that he did, but maybe it was a good thing.

"I'm going to the bakery. Do any of you want anything?" His blue eyes looked at either of us.

Prim didn't want anything, but my mouth began to water when I thought of the treats that I really want.

"Cheese buns, sugar cookies, and peanut butter cookies," I ordered. Peeta chuckled and even Prim smirked. It was like Peeta cut off whatever tension there was between us and changed Prim's mood. But his appearance didn't do anything for me when they're trying to hide their grins. "What?" I snapped at the both of them.

"That's not a lot." Peeta remarked sarcastically as he was still chuckling.

"Hey, she's eating for _two_ now." Prim said in my defense with her grin showing which irritated me more. I just rolled my eyes when they bursted into laughter.

"I'm glad you find my cravings so amusing..." I mumbled.

"Cheer up, Catnip." Prim used my nickname like Gale always does.

"_Catnip_? That's new..." Peeta said thoughtfully with an eyebrow raised.

"Not really," Then I blurt out the short story about the meaning behind my name. It's my turn to raise an eyebrow at him when he found it amusing. I'm not angry that he was, but it's kind of embarrassing when Gale had mistaken my name for Catnip instead of Katniss. I was a little angry when Gale first used Catnip. "Don't you have somewhere to go?" I asked harshly.

He didn't seem to be bothered of my tone. "Yeah I do. Bye, Katniss. Bye, Prim." We said our byes and watched him go into town.

When he walked farther away, Prim asked. "How are you and Peeta doing?"

"Fine. I kissed him." I mentioned. Didn't mean to, but my mouth suddenly speaks for itself.

"Really?" She looks surprised and I don't blame her. "I didn't know mood swings can make you so crazy."

"Huh?" I asked stupidly. I thought I did it because I wanted to. Not because of these weird personality changes the pregnancy gave me.

"Well, the last time I saw you two together you look like you wanted to kill him. Now, you're kissing him all of a sudden."

"And it's because of the mood swings?" I guessed.

"I think so," She shrugged. "Some pregnant women can get very sensitive and you were and vulnerable at the moment because of Rory. You felt wanted to feel comforted. Peeta just happened to be there with you and you kissed him."

I don't like that she said 'Peeta just happened to be there'. It's like saying I've used him.

"What are you saying?"

"You did it in the spur of the moment." She answered simply.

"If Gale was with me instead of Peeta, would I have kissed him too?" I find myself wondering aloud.

"I don't know. Would you?" She countered.

If Peeta were elsewhere and Gale wasn't working, he would have come with Haymitch. Gale will be devastated and we would be both mourning over the death of his brother together. He would have been with me on my bed like Peeta was after I stormed out of the living room. Then we would...

What could we do exactly?

Comforted each other, sure. Because that's when we needed each other the most. That's when I know what we would have done. I would have done the same thing like I did with Peeta. We would kiss because we would suffer from the same loss and understand each other.

"Yes. I would," I finally replied. But this doesn't explain what I felt when I kissed Peeta and there was a difference to kissing Gale. Whatever Prim is saying that I kissed Peeta because of my uncontrollable mood swings is wrong. Only I know how I truly felt and I know my act was real. "But that doesn't mean anything."

"If you say so," She sighed. "I'm going inside. Are you coming?"

"Yeah." I grabbed a second handful of snow and place it on my bruised eye following my sister into the house.

I couldn't face Hazelle's family all day. At least not now. She'll need the time to weep over the death of her son to herself and will tell Vick, Posy, and Gale about it. I won't have to see Gale until Sunday so I'm glad I'm not the one to tell him. I know it's selfish, but to see his reaction is the last thing I want to face. I'll give them time and will visit them. But what do I even say besides an apology? I know I always hate it when people say that about my father. It's not like whatever they say can bring him back to life.

Around when supper was over, Peeta dropped off the cookies and bread for me. Already, I've eaten three of the sugar cookies. I dipped them with honey and Prim told Peeta that's my new thing to do. For some strange reason, I'm in love with honey. Also, I've been craving for rabbit like mad lately, but unfortunately I can't hunt. Not only because Gale doesn't want me to, I don't know how I can find any rabbits in the dead of winter.

The snow was getting worse and my mother insisted Peeta to stay over. Even though he said his house was three houses down from mine, we still made him. At this point, you can barely see anything. Only the raining snowflakes. I was content with having Peeta over, but my mind traveled to Gale. Thinking of him down in those cold and dark mines. I just have to believe he'll always be okay. Hopefully, they'll make the miners come home early.

The blizzard lasted for three days and it calmed down. During those days, Peeta volunteered to cook for us and he slept in the guest bedroom. He taught Prim drawing and me how to cook which I miserably failed at. Then, he left to visit his family as I continued to heal my eye with the snow which was improving and looked better than it did before.

One morning, I woke up in the middle of a nightmare that was about Cato repeatedly stabbing me in the stomach. After I puked in the toilet, the telephone rang. My first thought was that could be Peeta. Only Gale ever calls me and Haymitch took his out years ago.

I answer it after the second ring. Trying to ignore the horrible taste in my mouth. "Hello?"

"Hey, Katniss." Hm. It was Haymitch.

"Uh...hi, Haymitch," I greeted unexpectedly. "I thought you don't have your phone anymore."

"I didn't, but Effie had that fixed," He waved it off and got right down to business. "Listen, I rescheduled your photo shoot so your eye can heal. It'll be in three weeks."

"Okay. Thanks for the heads up."

"Any time. How are you feeling with the baby and all?"

How am I feeling?! I can't believe he just asked me that! Out of all people, he's the one who should know exactly how I feel.

"Peachy." I bitterly replied.

He chuckled. "That's good to hear. Bye, sweetheart."

"Bye, Haymitch." We both hung up. There can't be a lot of things to say when our conversation is being eavesdropped.

Finally, it was the day that I've been longing for. I know Gale would come over so I wait for him instead of coming there. I waited for what felt like more than an hour. I began to get worried that he wouldn't see me or something happened to him. I was about to go to his house myself until the phone rang. Without no hesitation, I answered.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Katniss," To my relief, it was Gale.

"Hey, Gale," I can't help myself to ask. "Why aren't you here?"

"I was wondering if you need anything at The Hob." He knows that the phone is being tapped and The Hob was the code word for the woods. I don't see how he can get anything at this point. He will have to be very lucky.

Before I asked, I was thinking about choosing my words carefully. "Are you sure you can find anything there that I want?"

"I hope so. I'll do my best."

"Don't beat yourself over it if you don't. Try to get a rabbit for me." I know I can easily buy one now, but Gale wants to hunt and hasn't in a long time. This will be an opportunity.

"Okay," I realized neither of us mentioned anything about Rory. It's like we're acting his death never happened. I don't know how I can on the phone anyway. I don't think I could when it's still fresh on my mind. But as long as he doesn't bring it up, I don't see why I should. I let it go. "How are you feeling?"

"Wonderful," I responded dryly. "I vomited my breakfast and since I woke up, I think I have peed about fifty times. And I flipped out on Prim because Buttercup left me a surprise on my floor." I swear that damn cat did it on purpose.

That made him laugh. "Sounds like you had a great day."

Even though he can't see me, I rolled my eyes. "Yeah..."

"I'm going to go before it gets dark."

"Okay," It was only around two in the evening. "Be safe."

"I will," He promised. "Bye, Catnip."

"Bye, Gale." I hung up on him.

An hour passed and Gale hadn't showed up yet. It was 3:15 and I know hunting takes longer in the winter, but not this long. If we never get anything by this time in the winter, we would have given up. Prim insisted that I'm worrying too much. She and my mother doesn't know he's out hunting. Something could have happened to him. We know what happened to Rory was a lesson for Gale and I to stop hunting, but we never will. Gale even said so himself that he's not afraid of the Panem government. So nothing can force him to stop.

I still continue to worry when it was almost four and there was no presence of Gale. I decide to go to the woods and be his hunting partner again. Not caring he'll get mad at me for going at this point. Pulling on my boots, I told my mother and Prim I'll be walking. Unlike Prim, my mother bought my lie. Prim knows me better and knows I'll be out in the woods with Gale. All of the Victor's houses are being spied on so I can't reveal the truth of what I'm actually doing.

The warm clothes didn't seem to do much, but I put my snow coat on Cinna had designed for me which felt like I was sitting by a fire. I don't know what I'll do when I see Gale other than be furious for making me worried sick. I should have gotten that damn rabbit myself!

When I approached the fence, I was about to crouch on one knee, ready to search for Gale, but there's a buzzing sound like bees. Made me stop in my tracks. The fence was alive with electricity.

* * *

**Author's Note**: Another one of these thingies. Sorry, but I just have to say I'm not satisfied with how I wrote Katniss/Prim's conversation before Peeta showed up. When Prim was talking about the baby. I could have done it better, but I don't know how else to change it. I just wanted to let you guys know because of how I felt about that scene. I hope you get what I was trying to say about Katniss/Peeta's kiss, though. I also hope you enjoyed reading this chapter! Please review!


	9. Chapter 8

**Author's Note:** This might be a boring chapter, I'll admit. Depends on how you look at it. I hope you'll enjoy the chapter anyway. :)

* * *

I panic.

Really, _really_ panic.

Gale's gone. Out there and there's nothing I can do. My heart was beating fast in my ears. I want to go over the fence to see him. Just to know he's okay. But there's no way to. I can only stay here and wait for him to return and help him somehow. He can't get out of there on his own. I know when it was us and the fence would be on, we would wait at a tree until it would go off. But Thread is the new Head Peacekeeper and I know he's following Snow's orders to kill Gale. What happened to Rory was just the beginning. The spark to start it all. It destroyed the both of us.

My eyes look everywhere in the woods. For any sign of him. I'm alert to hear any twig snapping that could be Gale coming back. I can't sit down. I start to pace back and forth.

My head snapped to the woods when I heard footsteps. But unfortunately, it was only a squirrel running up to the tree. Is Gale even alive? No. I have to believe he is. I know he is still alive. Hunting animals in the winter is very hard to do. I should have known better, but he should have given up by now. It's freezing!

Then finally, I see him. I actually see Gale walking towards me. His game bag hanging on his shoulder with an animal. I'm not sure if he's surprised the fence was on or seeing me. Maybe both. I feel so helpless now, but I know I need to put an effort. Somehow. He mouthed "_Catnip_" but I can't hear him say it.

Frantically, my eyes spotted a tree with a long branch that was almost close to the fence. In the pit of my stomach, I knew that the electricity would be on 24/7 so he can't sit near a tree like we used to do.

Pointing at the tree, I yelled over the buzzing. "Gale, the tree!"

He got the message and climbed it. Tested each branch to see if the weight of his foot can take it. He reached the long and thick branch and carefully stood up. Balancing himself as he did so. Finally, Gale made the leap, and at first, landed on his legs hard with a grunt, then collapsed on to his knees and hands.

I rushed over to him to help him get up.

Let him catch his breath then said. "Katniss-"

Without thinking twice, I slapped his face. I don't want to hear him say anything. I wished he would have given up. He almost died! I could have lost him! My arms tightly embraced him, holding him as if he were about to disappear from my life forever. Tears rolling down my cheeks were of joy and relief.

His arms wrap around me, repeatedly assuring. "I'm okay, Katniss...I'm okay..."

We walked to my house to put the squirrel away. It wasn't what I wanted, but it was enough. Better than nothing. Prim was curious why I looked like I recently cried and I've told her it was nothing. But like always, she can see right through with me.

Then Gale was going to leave, but I decided to go with him to see house. I can't hide away from his family forever. Neither of us have had said anything to each other since Gale jumped from the tree.

I visited Hazelle and the rest of her children. She was still mourning over her son's death and her job was slipping. She's barely have enough strength to do little laundry for a few people. I can only hope she won't slip in to depression for the sakes of Vick and Posy like my mother randomly does about my father. She gave me a sad smile when she saw me and I gave her a hug and gave one to Vick and Posy.

I don't know what to say. The question: "How are you feeling?" was very obvious because of the atmosphere. My company was the only thing I can give them. To grieve with them.

It was quiet in the house. Except for the talking from Vick and Posy who was playing tic-tac-toe. And Hazelle was talking to me about the baby while Gale was cooking dinner for them. Later on, I was about to leave, but Posy asked me if I can eat with us. Of course Hazelle and Gale didn't seem to mind. I had to decline unable to say no because of Posy. I lied that I'm feeling tired and not in the mood to eat. They seemed to have bought it, but I think Gale was the only one who's doubtful of my excuse.

I walked straight home and ignored everyone's looks that's being thrown at me. Ignoring the sympathetic stares and the ones who have given me snobby glares. Not anyone knows what's truly going on with my life. They only eat up what the Capitol gives them.

/

/

Today was the day I'll be posing for pictures in my wedding dresses. Ugh. This wasn't how I want everything to be. None this act made Snow satisfied. Why should Peeta and I be bothered to do this anyway? I don't care that it pleases the crowd and everyone who adores us being together. I can start a heated argument with Peeta in front of the cameras and then he'll turn this whole thing off. I can raise my child by myself.

But we couldn't pull it off so quickly. It's too late. It's already been done and sealed. There's no doubt Snow would get furious at us if we do call everything off.

In the morning was when my prep team arrived. Cinna questioned about my eye and I lied that I slipped on ice, but he didn't seem convinced. I try to act delighted about my bridal photo shoot for Venia, Octavius, and Flavius. I had my dresses to try on that were hung by my mother, but I didn't put a single one on. They made critiques about my face, particularly my eye that has healed wonderfully. There's only a pale pink strip across my cheekbone.

They're starting to work on me. Chatting about whatever and I hope I won't have to pee during this. I don't want them to freak out and impatiently wait. For the most of it, I was ignoring their conversation except when they asked me about the baby and Venia was going on about one of her friends, Aurora, is pregnant. Apparently, Aurora is happy that her and I are both expecting.

The subject changed to one that actually caught my interest. No shrimp and any seafood was available for them because of the bad weather. That would sure bring a rise out of District Four. They wouldn't be able to cope or survive if they were to live like me and the others here in District Twelve. I begin to question them what other things they had to face during this awful winter.

Eventually, Cinna appeared giving me a hug and check my makeup. He hid the strip on my eye with powder and it was completely invisible.

When he was putting the finishing touches on me, he asked. "How's the baby?"

"Still in there." There's nothing to report. At (how many weeks have I been pregnant now?) eleven weeks there's really nothing yet.

"That's a good thing," He chuckled. "How's Peeta and Gale handling it?"

I hesitate to reply. "Fine." I can't bring up Gale's hatred about how the Capitol's playing this out. Not in my house that's being spied on.

Downstairs, the living room got cleared for the photo shoot. We were all on schedule, according to Effie. I wore one dress after the other and during a time when I was going to put on a new one, I had to pee much to everyone's annoyance. Well, except for Cinna's and my mother's who actually understood. Then I went back to work. My mother fed me in between while they work on me.

Evening had fallen upon us and I go upstairs to wash away my makeup and conditioners and dyes and then go downstairs to dry my hair by the fire. Prim came home from school early to see the last two dresses and discussed them with my mother. They both seem to love my photo shoot.

In my dream, I'm dressed in my silk bridal grown and my belly was big. I guessed I was around eight months pregnant. Facing my reflection in the mirror, I see half of my face being covered with make up and the other half of my face showed me. My true self. The real Katniss Everdeen as a hunter who hunts to keep her family alive. Not as The Girl on Fire.

Then I very slowly change. So as if I can see every detail of my transformation that I am turning into a...mutt!

Gasping, I woke up. No longer wanting to see my twisted face into a mutation. It was clear what my dream was about. I'm a puppet for the Capitol. But I had to be one. There's no other way.

It was in the middle of the night I woke up. As much as I didn't want to, I try to go back to sleep. But I only look up at my white ceiling. Suddenly, I hear my stomach growling. I gladly got out of bed to go in the kitchen. I get some cookies out of the jar and poured myself some milk. I frown when I see we're out of honey. I use caramel instead. Prim loves anything that's in caramel. She was in love with Peeta when an epiphany hit him to create dipped caramel apple when he stayed over during the blizzard. It wasn't the same as honey, but it's pretty good.

Also, I cook Gale's squirrel and put two pieces of bread in the oven. I hear someone's footsteps.

"Katniss?" Prim tiredly called. "What are you doing?"

"Making a snack." I answered defensively. I couldn't help it. It's like I can't eat.

"Looks like more than one snack." She smirked in amusement and I glared at her.

Prim ate a cookie while I was cooking the squirrel and bread then she went upstairs to sleep. I did too when I finished my snacks.

The next day, I mostly slept until noon, according to my mother. Except at the time I woke up when the sun was rising to puke what I've eaten last night. Being cooped up inside here was mostly what I did. Gale's unreachable because he's down in the mines and Peeta's at the bakery and Haymitch is probably wasted by now. There's no one I can see or do. I can't even go out to get honey because my mother took care of that while I slept in. What's worse, the woods was off limits with the electricity on.

Much to my misery, there's nothing I can do.

/

/

I thought I was going I die of boredom, but it changed when Prim happily came home from school to inform me. "I think your photo shoot will be on today!"

I raised an eyebrow. "Why do you think that?"

"I heard there was mandatory programming tonight."

"Really? They only did the pictures yesterday."

"That's what I heard." She grumbled with a shrug.

I hope she's wrong. I haven't warned Gale any of this. Even though I could have when he got out of the woods, but my mind was too focused that he's alive. Since I discovered I am pregnant, I never thought about my photo shoot. We gather around the television at seven thirty and there was Caesar Flickerman speaking before a standing-room-only crowd in front of the Training Center talking to an appreciative crowd about my upcoming nuptials. Cinna got introduced to have a good natured chitchat then our attention is to the giant screen.

In the Capitol, the people got to vote on their favorite dress. There were final shots of me in the six dresses. Each one of them got a huge reaction from the crowd. People screaming and cheering for their favorites, booin the ones they don't like. Caesar announced that interested parties must cast their final vote by noon on the following day.

"Let's get Katniss Everdeen to her wedding in style!" He hollered to the crowd. I turned my television off, scowling.

That was all? _That_ was the mandatory programming? I know everyone here and other Districts must be sick of the star-crossed lovers. How could they make that mandatory?

But now it suddenly clicks into my mind. It made sense. Not only Snow wanted to show it to the world of Panem who believed mine and Peeta's love, but to destroy Gale yet again. As if he haven't done that already when he killed his little brother Rory. Snow's out for Gale's blood, but first, he just wants to see him get tortured.

How more sick can you get?

"I told you that's what they'll show." Prim said.

"You're right..." I muttered and excused myself to the bathroom even though I don't have to go.

I just sit on the toilet with my hands covering my face. Feeling horrible for everyone who's involved with this mess. Because of me. I've endangered everyone I love, especially Gale's family. And Gale himself. This must be tearing up his insides. Putting him on the edge further to start a rebellion. But I'm pregnant. It can't happen yet for 12.

I leaned back on the seat, placing a hand on my flat stomach. Knowing I've failed her by doing nothing to prevent any of this from happening. She can live a normal life with me and Gale as her parents. But as a victor's daughter, she probably wouldn't get to live a normal life. No doubt she'll get known for being The Girl on Fire's daughter. And the reaping will get rigged and she'll get reaped at whatever age they decide to put her in. I failed her no matter what.

"I'm sorry..." A tear escape my eye and I let it roll down my face. I'm a horrible mother already.

I have to pull myself together and face it that I will be Katniss Mellark.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Yes. I am going to do the wedding. The Games will be in this story just like it was in Catching Fire. I have a question: Should Katniss give birth before or after the Quarter Quell? I can go either way. I hope you liked this and please review! :)


	10. Chapter 9

**Author's Note:** I was stuck with this chapter for some parts, but I finished it. The question from the last chapter is still open for answers. It's do you want the baby to be born before or after the Quarter Quell? I hope you like this chapter and please answer the question. :)

* * *

Effie called a couple of weeks later to remind me the wedding is in five days. We're going to leave for the Capitol tomorrow. That's too soon. I don't know how much time I want left, but that's too soon. I know I don't want it to happen at all. The only thing good comes out of it was that my husband will be Peeta. At least Snow had a heart not to ruin the star-crossed lovers and force me to marry someone else to add drama or whatever.

They'll be here to collect mine and Peeta's family. And Gale's family. Since he and the rest of his family are acting as my cousins, they're obligated to go because they're family. Of course the wedding will get held at the Capitol. I know Gale won't be thrilled wih this at all. He wouldn't want to go. But he has no choice.

This is another way to let Snow torture him. He'll have to go.

I haven't spoken to him since he jumped over the fence. He's spent more time with his family which I didn't mind, but I should tell him about the wedding. To let him know. I hope he will speak to me and won't get too angry at me for my photo shoot. This is another chance to tell him sooner rather than at the last minute. I don't want to screw it up. I know I can tell Hazelle first to pass it on to him, but it'll be better to hear it from me first.

Maybe I'll tell him in the morning. If I can catch up to him in time before he'll walk down to the mines. I know he's always scheduled to go down at four in the morning. I took a nap during the day and stayed awake in my bed a little around ten in the evening and found myself drifting to sleep. I woke up around midnight and made myself some green tea. When I finished, it's around one in the morning and I figured I should head down there now. I put my mug in the sink to clean it later and walk to the door.

"Do you want to go see Daddy early?" Who have I asked that to? I use the same voice Prim uses to talk to Buttercup like he's a baby. I froze in my steps.

I wasn't just talking to myself. But to _someone_. The someone happens to be my baby. I never did that before and I guess this is a start. If I will do that often, I have to be careful what I'll say in my own house. Peeta is the father and I'll have to act like he is. Gale is out of the picture. Posing as my cousin for the rest of our lives.

By the time I reached Gale's house, he closes the door in his mining clothes. He was about to walk down until I called after him.

He turned around seeing me in surprise. "Catnip? What are you-"

"I need to tell you something," I should say it quickly so he wouldn't be late for work. The time I left my house was three thirty and I don't him to be late because of me. "Effie called to let me know the wedding is in five days and we're going to leave tomorrow."

His face was set. "Oh...thanks for letting me know." He added bitterly.

I sigh out of frustration. I know stirring up an argument wouldn't be good for either of us. "You and your family will have to go since your my cousin."

"Right," He loathes his role he plays. I know it. It's obvious. I can't blame him, but when we get to the Capitol, he'll need to behave. He seems irritated with this conversation. "Anything else? I have to go to work and you should get some rest."

I swallowed down the bit of hurt at how he said those words. Sounds so harsh. My mouth was open, but no words have come out. Tears sparkle behind my eyes...oh, great. I'm starting to cry. But why? Stupid hormones. I feel strong arms wrap around me in an embrace. I don't hug him back.

"I'm sorry you have to go through with this," He apologized.

"I can't do anything about it..." I weeped on to his uniform. I look down where I place a hand on my stomach. His gray eyes look down on my hand. I know what he's thinking. Trying to remain calm, I said. "A rebellion isn't what we need right now."

His eyes averted quickly to me. "But you said District Eight-"

"I meant not for District Twelve. District Eight can be stupid and be just like District Thirteen."

"You know they're not being stupid, Katniss." He said evenly.

I force myself not to roll my eyes. "I know that. I was thinking of my baby's safety not to get born in a middle of a rebellion and his or her's mother will fight in it because you know I will do that," I hissed. "It's bad enough this baby will get born at all."

He frowned. "Don't say that."

"Do you really think they'll let you get off so easy? Why do you think they made you my cousin? I'm not supposed to have you."

"You can if you want."

I think of when I kissed Peeta and what Prim told me. I thought for sure he was the one I wanted, but I'm confused. I'm better off being alone with my baby and taking care of my family until I die. "I don't know what I want," I confessed. His eyes looked hurt, but he was careful enough not to let his face express it. "Except I want my baby."

"Me too," We stared at each other in silence until he said. "When should my family and I be at your house?"

"At ten o'clock in the morning. Sharp. No one should screw up with Effie's schedule." I smiled a little when I think of her. If it weren't for Effie, I would be late on everything.

"Okay, then," He settled. "I need to go to work, Catnip."

"I know." As he kissed my forehead, he placed his hand on my stomach. I tensed a little because no one has touched me there before except for my mother when she'll give me check ups. And Prim, but she always ask for permission. Once I started to relax, I felt fine with his touch. More than fine. Like what we did at the woods.

I wasn't worried or angry at all when he kissed my head. It's not like he kissed my lips, right? So Snow shouldn't use that against me or him. Hopefully...

I watched Gale go and I turn around to head back home.

/

/

The next day was going to get hectic. No one has been in the Capitol except for myself, Peeta, and Haymitch. Mine and Gale's family wouldn't know what to do when they would get there and see the Capitol citizens dressed in ridiculous clothing.

As I lie on my bed, I knew I should go to sleep. I'm sure it's somewhere about five by now. On my left side, I finally close my eyes. Once I did, I see myself wearing a bloody wedding dress with tears and holes everywhere. A snake was slithering to me, hissing, and I was backing away from it in fear. It reached to me and wrapped itself around me tighter and tighter to make sure I'd be unable to breathe.

Instantly, I woke up gasping. Catching my breath as if I had ran for miles. My forehead felt drenched with sweat. Moments like these, I wish Peeta was here with me.

As much as I didn't want to, I return to go to sleep again. Hoping I wouldn't have to see anymore snakes.

In the morning, I did what seemed was like a normal routine for me now. I puked and get ready for the day. I avoided Peeta as much as possible. It was bad enough I'm forced to marry him because of my situation.

But I could have married someone much worse, I guess.

Poor Peeta was stuck in the middle of this mess Gale and I created. He's doing everything he can to make our love not fake. I don't know how he can still do that and be in love with me. If he even is still in love with me because I'm carrying Gale's child, not his. I don't blame him if he stopped.

If our situations were reversed, maybe I would get jealous and heart broken too...If Peeta would knock up some girl in District Twelve. But maybe if the situations could get reversed, it wouldn't be the same. Would it? The more I thought about it, of course it would not.

To get out of the house, I walked Prim to school. Something I missed doing. Because of my pregnancy, I would either be asleep, sick, or moody. And for the past couple of weeks, my prep team was here to get me ready for Tour Day and my...wedding. We talked about anything and when we got to the topic of the baby, Prim said she was excited to be an aunt.

"What are you going to name him or her?" She beamed.

Funny how I always think of my baby, but never thought of a name for it. "Mmm...I don't know yet."

"You have it to think of one soon, Katniss," She laughed. "You don't have a lot of time."

Hah. That seems to be the story of my life. I don't have a lot of time for anything anymore.

We approached the school and I told her, "Have fun, little duck." She gave me a "Quack" with a giggle. In that one moment, I felt like everything was normal. But I know when she would go inside that school, I would be alone. Everything wouldn't be normal.

I return to the house waiting forever for Prim to return home. It felt like ages for the clock to strike three. Two hours later, it would be five and Gale will stop working. I have hours to wait. If only the fence wasn't on, I wouldn't be losing my mind. I would hunt.

As time passed, I slept and ate. My mother took care of a few people who were sick. I felt helpless because Prim would usually help her. I couldn't and my mother wouldn't let me anyway so I won't get sick too. The clock was almost about to strike three and I decided to pick up Prim.

She was happy to see me there. Told me about her day and I am glad that her mood has changed since Rory's death. She can move on quickly than I could. But then again, she haven't seen anyone die right in front of her.

"We can start packing, Prim," I told her when we're closer to our house. "I can help you."

"Okay. I've never been to a wedding before. What do you think their wedding tradition is like?"

"Very showy and way over the top." I answered somewhat honestly. I know they'll present it like that, but I have no idea how they'll do it.

"Like how they dress?" She grinned.

I nodded. "Yes, but worse."

I helped her pack and she helped me too. By the time we're finished, my mother got done making dinner. We ate lamb stew, she knew it was my favorite. It was good, but not as good as the Capitol's, I admit.

The sun was setting and tomorrow, it'll be a countdown to my wedding. I'll be Mrs. Katniss Mellark soon. When night had fallen, I couldn't get to sleep. I drank down hot tea thinking about my baby. A family I could of have with Gale. My life will be centered around Peeta's after five days and we'll keep living in a lie.

"Katniss?" Prim's voice made me jump a little even though she sounded so small in the kitchen. "Sorry..."

"It's okay, little duck," I told her gently. "What is it you want?"

"I was just thinking," She sat across from me on the table. Looking a bit sad. "Since you'll get married to Peeta and will live with him, would Mom and I have to move out and live at our old house?"

That was something I haven't thought about. No one ever told me what would happen to my family after I'll move in with Peeta. "I-I don't know..."

She frowned looking like she was almost going to cry. "I don't want to lose you too!"

I went over to give her a hug. "You won't," I assured. "If you and Mom _do_ move back to the old house, I'll still walk you to school and back home."

"Promise?"

"Promise. And I'll visit you every day."

"How can you when the baby is born? You and Peeta will be busy..."

"I can bring him or her along with me. Everything will be fine."

When she settled down, I went back to my seat. I think again before Prim showed up; about Gale, my baby, and my future with Peeta. I'll get to see Gale not as much as I used to. It's worse now, but not being able to see my own best friend? I'm sure I'll come across to him sometime, but it wouldn't be the same. We wouldn't be the same.

I risen from my seat and went upstairs without a word. Prim was following me from behind.

"Are you going to sleep?"

"No. I'm going to see Gale." I grab my coat and my gloves.

"But Katniss, it's ten o'clock!" She said, shocked.

"I know." I was aware of the time and how cold it was. It's always much colder in the dark than in the daylight.

"Why?" She followed me again when I gone downstairs.

"I just want to spend time with Gale as much as possible. He'll never get to raise the baby at all. The least I could do is see him before the wedding."

Prim understood. "I see. That's so unfair for him. Good thing your marrying Peeta. He seems really nice. You could have married someone worse."

"I know. Peeta is really nice. I feel bad for him because all of this." I gestured to my belly.

"I'm sure he'll be a great father." That I know for a fact.

/

/

It was hard to navigate to Gale's house in the darkness, but I made it thanks to the white light of the moon. Not much light shed on the ground because it was only a half moon tonight, but it was bright enough.

I had to knock on the Hawthorne's door twice because no one answered the first time. I waited for a few minutes, then knocked again. I know Gale would be asleep because of his hard working, but I can try.

I still had to wait for a few minutes and was about to give up and go back home, but the door did open. It was Gale.

"Catnip?" He was surprised to see me. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see you before...you know." I told him.

"Did you forget it's the middle of winter? You're crazy." He shook his head letting me in.

"Sorry I woke you up."

He shrugged, scratching the back of his head. "I couldn't sleep anyway..."

"Let's see if we both can," I sighed. "I have to get up early." That's nothing new because I always wake up early for hunting, but I'm not too happy because of my wedding.

I followed him upstairs to his bedroom. "Not that I'm complaining, but why are you here?"

"I know this would probably be the last time we'll get to spend together." I answered softly. The thought makes my heart ache. It's like I'll lose my best friend forever.

He frowned. "Don't say it like that, Katniss."

"Well, it's the truth. President Snow is doing this to make your life miserable. If only we-"

"Are you saying you regret-"

"No. I was going to say if only we were more careful, I wouldn't be pregnant. Maybe things would have been different..." I trailed off, imagining if it would be.

"There's nothing we can change about this now." Gale got into bed and I slipped inside with him. We're lying on our sides, facing each other.

"I know..." Since I'm currently with Gale, I remember Prim's question about names. "What do you want to name the baby?"

"I don't know," He sighed. "I thought about names, but I knew the last name will have to be Mellark. Not Hawthorne or Everdeen. I-I couldn't do that."

"We'll have to think of something. I want you to pick a name too."

"You don't have any ideas either?"

"Well...I _was_ thinking of Coriolanus..." I said thoughtfully to lighten up the mood.

"Very funny, Catnip." He remarked sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

"I don't have any ideas then." I confessed.

"We'll think of something soon." He assured.

I moved closer to him, embracing the warmth from his arms around me. We said our goodnight's and went to sleep.

/

/

I walk to my house knowing I was already late. Effie and my prep team must be wondering where I am. It's only 7:10 in the morning, but Effie loves to keep up with her strict schedule.

I open the door and hoped Prim told the them where I was. There was my prep team looking relieved and yet thrilled to see me. Effie looks relieved too. Cinna and Peeta's stylist, Portia, was probably drowning themselves by working on my dresses and everyone's outfits. Cinna was the only person I'm anxious to see in the Capitol; he's the normal one there. I'm not sure if Effie counts.

"There you are! Do you know what time it is?" She asked frantically.

"I'm sorry, Effie," I apologized. I expect she would ask where I was, but she didn't. And I won't tell. Maybe Prim had told them where I was. "I'll take a quick shower."

And I did. I heard her saying something she'll check up on Peeta and his family and Haymitch. She also mentioned my cousin's family will get escorted here by Peacekeepers. Great. I haven't warned him about that. I wonder how he'll feel when they show up at his house.

After I was done bathing, I got dressed and let my mother do my hair into a braid. She did it in my bedroom.

"Prim said you were at Gale's..." Her voice trailed off as if there should be something more she should know about, but there wasn't.

"Nothing happened." I assured her. She only made an unconvincing "Mmhmm" and continue to braid my hair.

She obviously doesn't believe me.

We went downstairs and I knew my prep team wanted to work on me already, but I told them to wait until we get to the Capitol.

"There's the glowing bride!" Flavius beamed at me before sipping his tea my mother must have made while I was showering. The rest of my prep team had some too.

"_Glowing_?" I scoffed. I'm sure I'm anything, but that.

"Absolutely!" Octavia agreed.

"Yours and Peeta's wedding have been quite the hot topic in the Capitol!" Venia informed me in a giddy way.

"Really?" I said trying to be the conversational type person. The daily gossip in the Capitol was about my wedding which I'm not surprised.

"Everyone is so excited to see the wedding and anxiously waiting for the baby's arrival!"

"You must be so happy for the baby to come!" Octavia squealed.

"I am," I confirmed. It was the truth. I actually am. I mostly want this baby out of me more than anything. "Peeta and I are very excited."

My prep team gushed over the wedding and the baby and I chimed in every now and then. Just so I'm convincing everyone I'm thrilled about this like they are.

Two hours passed and Effie told us it was time to go because it was already ten. I met up with Peeta and his family was already with him. I walked toward Peeta to hold his hand. His mother looks disgusted by this whole thing and was clearly unhappy with me. I know she's not the most pleasant person; she abuses Peeta and probably the rest of her sons! I know I would never do that to my child.

Haymitch was there too with his belongings as well. The Peacekeepers were there with the Hawthorne family. Everyone was dressed in their best clothes for when we arrive at the Capitol. I made a small smile at them knowing there was one person missing from that group. I see Gale and he looked miserable. I caught him throwing death glares at Peeta every now and then. His mood was making me irritated that I want to shout "Knock it off!" at him.

"Come along everyone!" Effie ordered being perky.

Haymitch rolled his eyes at her enthusiasm.

As we walked to District Twelve's train station, I ignored everyone's stares at us. I know we look like an odd group, but so what? Peeta and I were the last ones onto the train just in time as Effie seems satisfied.

Prim looked a little queasy when she took a seat in the lounging car. I let go of Peeta's hand to sit next to her. I forgot this was her first time on here.

"It'll be okay," I comforted. "The train goes fast, but you won't feel thing."

She gulped and nodded. "O-okay...I hope Buttercup will be all right by himself."

"He will." Maybe that stupid cat will die of starvation when we'll come back.

Prim jumped a little at the slight jerk of the train and then it had begun to move smoothly. I can't look at the windows anymore because it makes me sick and I know I'll puke. That's the last thing I want to do in front of everyone in here. Especially in front of Mrs. Mellark. On the right side of the train was where Peeta and his older brothers were sitting. He smiled at me and I gave him a half one knowing when I'll return to District Twelve, I'll officially be his wife.


	11. Chapter 10

**Author's Note: **Just wanted to say I had fun writing this chapter. Writing about families fighting with each other. Comparing this to the others, this is a long chapter. Enjoy reading and please review. :)

* * *

It was an awkward and uncomfortable train ride to the Capitol. Well, it was uncomfortable for me. We still have many Districts to pass. Mostly everyone was quiet except for Peeta's older brothers, Jasper and Logan who were talking amongst themselves, but I was still able to hear their conversation. Logan was complaining about how he hadn't said goodbye to his girlfriend. Ivy, I think her name is. I forced to restrain myself not to roll my eyes. I barely talk to them and see them around town and this made me glad I haven't.

Haymitch was gone by now. Off to his room to drink and was probably drunk as a skunk. Peeta's parents sat together on that very same side. Gale was on my side sitting with his family and he was brooding as he watched the window. It made me want to go over to him, but I knew better not to. To them, I will be just talking to my cousin, but I don't want to take any chances.

Can't taking anymore of this awkwardness, I turn to Prim. "Hey, do you want to see your room and unpack?"

She beamed at that. "Sure!"

We got out of the cart and I feel as if Gale's and Peeta's eyes were watching me carefully. I ignore them. There was an Avox at the door and I requested to show Prim her room. We followed the raven haired girl who was about my age. The three of us went down the hall and the muted Avox gestured Prim's room with her hand, allowing us to enter.

"Thank you. That's everything." I smiled and she only bowed and walked away. I close the door after Prim walked in.

"That was an Avox?" She gasped.

"Yeah." I replied sadly going over to her bed where her suitcase was. I helped her to unpack and stuffed her clothing into drawers and in the closet.

"What happened with you and Gale last night?" Prim smirked when I was sitting on the bed as she put her shoes inside her closet.

I sigh feeling annoyed. Why does my family assume there must be something going on with me and Gale? Having sex with him was only a one time thing. "Nothing, Prim."

When she was done putting her shoes away, she joined me on the bed. "I'm not _that_ young, you know."

"You're thirteen." I told her bluntly.

"So?"

I made another sigh and groaned in my hands. Thankfully, someone knocked on the door and I was more than willing to answer it, but Prim beat me to it.

"Hi, Peeta," She greeted. My eyebrows furrowed. Why was he here?

"Hey, Prim," Peeta kindly returned the greeting. "May I speak to Katniss alone?"

"Uh...yeah." I knew her hesitation. She wouldn't know where to go. She doesn't know the train very well like I do.

"Just go back to the lounging car, Prim, and get some hot chocolate. I'll be there with you."

"Okay." She seemed to be fine with that and left.

Now it was just Peeta and I. Dread filled my stomach that something happened to make him kick Prim out. Seems like something exploded when Prim and I left.

"Did something happen?" I voiced my thoughts.

"Yeah," He sighed, sitting next to me on the bed. Whatever happened, he looks exhausted. "My mother was saying how Rory deserved to die because of his crime,"

Anger was boiling inside of me at her words and I never felt so much hatred to another person besides Snow. How could she say that? In front of Hazelle and her family? And Gale. Oh, Gale. I could easily imagine him flipping out over that.

"Mrs. Hawthorne got upset and Gale was yelling at my mother. My brothers was defending her and my father and I was just trying to calm everyone down."

"Where's Hazelle?" I want to go talk to her. I have no idea how I can make her feel better. But I still want to talk to her.

"In her room...crying." My heart breaks for her. I'm about to have my child and I don't want to imagine losing it. From whatever Mrs. Mellark said about Rory, she opened up almost healed wounds for Hazelle.

"Rory didn't deserve to die." I snapped at him, but I don't why I've spoken so harsh. He said he tried to calm everyone down. How could he be so kind and nice when his mother was the complete opposite? It's obvious he got that from his father.

"I know he didn't. My mother was wrong and I told her."

Out of curiosity, I have to ask. "What did she say to that?"

"I've been hanging around with the slut and that drunk of a mentor too much," It stings at the word she called me. He must have noticed the hurt on my face because he said. "You know I don't think of you and Haymitch like that. She doesn't understand."

I smiled softly. "I know and I know you don't."

"If I was just alone with my family, I know she would have loved to hit me. She doesn't like to get proven wrong by her kids. Makes her feel stupid," His blue eyes looks directly at me and his lips was frowning and he shook his head. "This is not going to go well, Katniss."

I scoffed. "You think? We already had such a nice morning..."

"I didn't want my mother to come and she didn't want to go. We were thinking of making her fake an illness, but my brothers thought that was unfair because they still had to go. Eventually, my father forced everyone to go."

I didn't know how crazy everyone was in Peeta's family. I know his mother was, but it seemed he and his father were the only sane people there. I felt sorry for him. "I'm sorry you had to go through all of that."

He shrugged like it was no big deal. "It's okay. That's normal behavior for my family."

Since I'm in the mood to be apologetic, I should apologize to him about everything. "I'm also sorry for dragging you into this..."

He looks confused. "What do you mean?"

"You have to marry me because I'm pregnant and act like the baby is yours for everyone. This is my fault."

"You shouldn't have to apologize for that. You're pregnancy is just a mistake," I like how he was honest and didn't lie that it wasn't my fault when it clearly was. I could have stopped Gale at any time, but I enjoyed it way too much. "It's what President Snow wants us to do. Baby or no baby, we'll probably have to get married eventually, right? Since we _are_ the star-crossed lovers."

"Yeah, but you must feel hurt or feel something?"

"I do," He confessed, biting his lip. "But there's nothing I can do about it."

There's only silence between us when we have nothing left to say. I got up telling him I want to see Hazelle. But I stopped myself remembering Prim was in the lounging cart probably by herself. Peeta said he'll watch over her and I felt relief. I told him not to mention Rory to her because they were good friends.

An Avox helped me locate where Hazelle's bedroom was. Like I did with Prim, I thanked her then she left. Softly, I knock on the door two times. The door opened, and surprisingly, my mother showed up. For a second, I thought the Avox messed up, but when she opened the door wider, there was Hazelle sitting on the bed with Posy.

"Hi, Katniss," My mother greeted. "What are you doing here?"

"I know what happened." She allowed me inside. Posy was delighted to see me and hugged me like always.

"Hello, dear." Hazelle sniffed. Her eyes were red, but didn't look like she was recently crying.

"Hi, Hazelle," I greeted her and gave my mother a look hopefully she'll understand that I want to talk to her alone. Thankfully, she got it and grabbed Posy by the hand and walked to where Prim and Peeta was. Both of us were alone now.

"Where's Gale?" I'm surprised he's not here with his own mother during this difficult time for her.

"He was here a while ago. Why are you here?"

I sat next to her on the bed. "I heard what happened. The fighting. If only I was there for Rory-"

"Honey, if you were there, you'd probably end up like him." She patted my leg sadly. Maybe not. Haymitch and Peeta had come to the rescue.

"Mrs. Mellark doesn't know what she was saying..."

"In a way, she is right," My jaw was slightly open that Hazelle, out of all people, agrees with that crazy woman. "What Rory had done was illegal-"

"But he was too young to understand," I interrupted urgently. Can't believe what she was about to say. "If Gale or I had taught him more things about hunting, he would've been more careful."

"Maybe..." She sighed.

"Hazelle, I don't know what it's like to lose your child, but I am very sorry for what happened." I apologized sincerely.

There was a half smile. "It's alright, Katniss. I can only wish you would never have to lose yours. No mother should ever suffer a pain like this."

But I might lose mine. If the reaping was rigged and my son or daughter would get ripped and could die in the Games. What happened to Hazelle and other mothers who have lost their children from the Games makes me agree with Gale that there should be a rebellion now. The time has come. If I'll die during the war, it'll be worth it.

I stay with Hazelle for a bit longer. On the clock at the nightstand it was almost twelve and Effie would round us up for lunch which should be interesting.

/

/

Everyone was in the dining cart and all of us were silent. I wish there were some talking like what happened in the morning, but there wasn't at all. Only the clinks of glasses being set down the forks hitting the plates. Thick tension was in the room that I know everyone can feel. Maybe even Prim. However, Effie was too oblivious to notice and acted like her usual self or maybe she was there for the big blow out.

Gale was only paying attention to his food not looking at anyone else. I noticed Mrs. Mellark's nasty glares at me and Logan looks like he wanted to be anywhere else, but here. It seemed I'm not the Mellark's favorite person besides Peeta and Mr. Mellark who likes me.

The only person missing was Haymitch and he entered the dining cart when the soup was served after the salad. He reeked of alcohol more than usual (or maybe it was just me) and I fought the urge to puke. He sat down at the table across from Effie. He notices the dead silence when he raised an eyebrow at me. He must have not been there for the fight.

After the soup, came the sandwiches and when I got mine, there was a disgusting smell wafted through my nostrils. Lifting the piece of bread to see some yellowish stuff spread on it, I began to gag. Barely made out an "excuse me" to rush to the bathroom. I ignored Mrs. Mellark's the rolling of her eyes when I fled there.

When I got to the bathroom, I puked inside the toilet. Well, this was new. I don't think I ever puked at a smell I don't like. I don't what that smell was. I only know it smells awful.

There was a knock at the door when I flushed the toilet. I half expected the person to be either Gale or Peeta.

"Come in." I swallowed back some bile.

I hear the door open; I wasn't able to see who it was because I'm clutching the seat of the toilet. Strong hands brush the back of braid and was rubbing my back.

"Effie thinks it's the mustard you smell," Peeta said.

"I hate mustard," I growled.

He chuckled. "I can see that."

"I think we should try to get Haymitch off the alcohol for a little. It's starting to get to me."

"I'll try, but I can't guarantee it'll work."

"I know." I wondered what Haymitch did when that blizzard hit because everyone was stuck at home. He must of had a major withdrawal.

"Do you want to go back and try to eat again?"

I shook my head. "No. I can't." My stomach was lurching and rumbling.

"Okay. I'll take you to our room and let them know."

That made me look at him. "_Our_ room?" I guess I should have known Peeta and I will share a room. I didn't know we would right now. Only after the wedding. But it has made sense for us to have a room together because I am pregnant with his baby. I should get used to sleeping with him because I'll have to for the rest of my life.

"Yeah. We're sharing a room. Effie haven't told you?"

"No."

"You don't have to sleep with me. You can sleep with Prim or-"

"No. It's okay. I was shocked. That's all." I told him honestly.

"Okay." He was about to get up until I felt another round coming on.

"Wait..." I vomited again and he stayed with me until I was done.

Peeta walked me to our bedroom and I told him I'll take a nap. Then he left and I watch the door that he just closed. By the time I was about to close my eyes, he came back and I thought he would stay at the dining cart to finish eating.

"You're done eating?"

"Kind of. I wanted to stay with you." I smiled at him and let him be on the bed with me and then I fell asleep.

/

/

The moment I woke up, I found myself being alone. Peeta wasn't with me and I look around for him and called his name. I was about to get up to look for him, but the door open and he finally entered.

He holds a cup of something that's steaming hot. "Your mother thought you should have tea and you should take it easy for dinner." I sit up straight and take it from him

"Thanks," I sipped it and it felt great for my stomach. "How is everyone?"

"Still not talking to each other..." Peeta sighed. "I feel like we should do something."

"Like what?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe we should be in love or something. Have the attention on us and not what happened."

I thought I would only have to pretend I'm in love with him. Now I do in front of his family? It kind of does makes sense so no one will think of Rory, but how would that feel for Gale? I know he'll be that way all his life, but maybe we should try it out. I can't please him as much as I want to anymore.

"Okay." I decided.

We walked to the lounging cart and I stood closer to him more than usual. We thought there shouldn't be any touching and should save it for the cameras and everyone in the Capitol. I sat next to him on the plush sofa, curling up next to him, and his arm was around me. Maybe there was too much touching here, but I can't help myself. He has these strange ways to break my walls down and be myself. Even when we're surrounded by people.

I was never the type of girl to flirt or be seductive. Gale was more experienced with sex than I was. I went along with it and caught on. I'm not saying I'm going to get all seductive in front of our families, but I'll try flirting. Even though I don't know how. I've seen Madge Undersee and other girls at school flirt all the time. I don't know how they do it so well.

"Have you painted anything lately?" I asked, letting my head rest on his chest and stare down at our intertwined fingers. My cup of tea was on the coffee table.

"Yeah, maybe when we get back home I'll show you them sometime."

I look up at him. "What did you paint?"

Peeta told me what his was like which was some scenes from the Games and stuff from his own nightmares. I never thought he would have nightmares like me because he doesn't scream in horror when Rue's death replays in your head or the fear of losing your baby. I couldn't tell anyone about that one. He doesn't act like has nightmares, but he really does.

"I would love to see them sometime."

"How have you been with the baby?"

I told him everything I've gone through realizing I haven't told him anything. Peeta was completely clueless. Except he knew about my cravings. Since he'll play the role of my baby's father, he'll have to know everything. That won't look good for him if he doesn't know anything about my symptoms. We're supposed to act like we're in love, after all.

"So..." I turned my head to look at Jasper. "Are you guys dating for real?" His blue eyes flickered back and forth to us then at me when he asked another question. "Are you really pregnant with Peeta's baby?"

I was taken aback by that and sat up straight. Peeta's arm was still around me though. "Yes, I am." I don't know why he would ask that.

"Oh..." He mumbled.

"Why would you ask?" Peeta inquired. Apparently, this topic caught Gale's attention and he craned his neck from the window to see us speaking. Of course he would at this moment.

Jasper shrugged. "It doesn't seem like you two ever were," His blue eyes looked at me again. Unlike Peeta's, his was too dark almost like a navy blue. "And now you're suddenly pregnant?"

I shrugged too and respond lamely. "It just happens when you're in the moment."

"That's true..." I hear Logan muttered.

"It seems all so fast," Jasper continued and I wish he didn't. His eyes looked at Peeta's brighter ones. "What if Mom is right? How do you know that baby is yours?"

I couldn't stop myself to make my eyes grow wide. I noticed Gale sat up straighter and looks fully on us. Peeta's own family doesn't believe us and Snow was right. That we need to convince all of Panem we're in love. In a much better way. I'm not doing a good job behind the cameras either.

"It _is_ my baby," Peeta defended, but he shouldn't. It's pointless now. His brother isn't stupid like I thought. "How can you-"

"Don't," Logan interrupted him looking at me. "I know the truth by the look on her face."

I can feel the Mellark's family's eyes on me right now and even Gale's, Prim's, and my mother's. Out of instinct, I look down at my shoes so they wouldn't see my face. I'm too speechless to say anything.

It was quiet enough to hear Mrs. Mellark mumbling "I knew it" to her husband. In response, I clench my hands into fists wishing I can slap her. I wouldn't mind if a wave of nausea would hit me right now because that'll give me an excuse to leave. I know I shouldn't run away from them all the time, but I don't know how much of Mrs. Mellark I can take.

Peeta was rubbing my back when he revealed. "Okay. The baby is not mine."

"Who's is it then?" Logan asked. I looked up at him meeting his eyes.

They know the truth now, but the train is being spied on. I don't think I can tell them that it's Gale's. They wouldn't understand and it would cause too much explanation and confusion.

"Um...i-it's...ummm..." I sputtered unable to look at his green eyes.

"Why do you want to know?" Gale rescued me and I'll be forever thankful he did.

He shrugged at him. "Just curious. Don't you want to know who knocked up your cousin or do you already know?"

Out of spite, Gale smirked. "I already know."

/

/

The last time I looked out the window, the sun was setting. I'm in mine and Peeta's bedroom just laying down and relaxing. So was Peeta; he sat on the edge of the bed to take his prosthetic leg off.

"Your brothers are very observant," I remarked. "Especially Jasper."

"Yeah, he is. Sorry about that-"

"You don't always have to apologize for your family's behavior, Peeta," He looked down at me. "That's who they are and they'll probably stay that way forever."

"Maybe you're right. I know their words hurt you."

"It does..." I admitted. "But I'm okay. I can take it. I've been through worse, you know that."

"I do and you're recovering better."

Really? Then how do you explain my nightmares? "No I'm not."

He smiled. "Yes you are, Katniss."

Mine and Peeta's eyes locked at each other's and he bended down, his face getting closer and closer to me. I close my eyes, allowing him to do it. Miss the touch and feel of his lips against my own. He kisses me and my hand ran through the back of his blonde hair. His kiss was soft and gentle, but I was hungry for more. My arms wrapped around his neck and I pull him closer to me.

Once we're out of breath, we stopped. Our mouths were open, panting.

"Thank you for defending me and Hazelle's family. I don't think I've said that."

His smile turned into a broad grin. "No problem."

There's so much I need to owe this boy.

As time passed on, we're at the dining cart eating dinner. Peeta and I were the last ones to show up because of our little make out session. Nobody seemed to be suspicious of that. I don't care what Prim said about my hormones; I kiss him because I want to and I'm beginning to think my feelings have grown for him because of all he does for me.

My mother suggested I should eat soup and have a small sandwich. My soup was chicken corn noodle and I have a grilled cheese with water. Everyone else had steak, potatoes, and steamed vegetables that looks delicious. I was kind of jealous what they had, but I quickly remember about District 12. They're starving and I'm complaining about what I have to eat when they barely have anything.

To my horror, I feel like I'm turning into one of them. One of the people from the Capitol. I never saw that coming.

When I was too full from my soup, I munched on my half piece of grilled cheese. I'm unable to finish it, but I don't want it to go to waste. I give it to Peeta like I always did when we were at that party at Snow's mansion during the Victory Tour. He was still able to eat it.

The best I can, I tried to ignore Mrs. Mellark eyeing at us. Her blue eyes filled with hatred. I'm not sure if she had even touched a bit of her food. I'm done with mine and I don't think I can handle dessert. I don't want to leave and be alone in my room so I just patiently wait for Peeta to finish.

Everyone was almost done with their meals. I thought we were getting along great even though no one talked. That is until Mrs. Mellark said it with an upset expression.

"I don't care!" Everyone, including myself, stared at her. "I still don't get it!" Her face changed into being desperate and disappointed when her blue eyes laid on her youngest son. "Why couldn't you have been with Scarlet?"


End file.
